


Show me how to be okay

by trysomecats



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Bottom Louis, Bullying, Enemies to Lovers, High School, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nerd Harry, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Set in America, Top Harry, Winter fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-09-01 06:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8613928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trysomecats/pseuds/trysomecats
Summary: Louis Tomlinson, twenty five and in the process of healing from a traumatic event, needs change. That’s why he’s moved across the country, taking a teaching position in a small high school located in the middle of nowhere, in the cold and snowy state of Maine. What were the odds that he'd wind up teaching at the very same school as Harry Styles, the boy who rejected Louis’ prom proposal at the end of their senior year?





	1. A Not So Fresh Start

**Author's Note:**

> *Note, the town and schools in this story are made up

    

* * *

 

“I just don’t get it Lou. What on earth is so attractive about Harry Styles?”

 

“Shh!” Louis threw his palm over Zayn’s mouth. “Don’t say his name so loud! He could be listening.”

 

Zayn whacked Louis’ hand aside. “Alright, fine. Just answer the question.”

 

“Well,” Louis tapped his chin thoughtfully. “He’s just so endearing, yeah? With his curls, and his smile. Whenever he’s reading something enjoyable, these cute dimples form on his cheeks. Oh, and his glasses slide down his nose sometimes, when he’s really concentrated on something...like the math problems we get in calc.”

 

“Louis, he’s the very definition of a nerd.”

 

“But it’s cute, innit?”

 

“When have you ever seen him at a sporting event, or hell, even eating lunch in the cafeteria with friends? The answer is never. He’s the type of bloke who stays home on Friday nights, and he only eats lunch alone in the classroom or library most of the time.”

 

Louis narrowed his eyes. “Well, I’m still asking him to prom.”

 

“Whatever, man.” Zayn shrugged. “Do what you want. I’m sick of you always talking about him anyway...it’s been years, literally.”

 

“Shut up,” Louis growled, but it was true. Louis Tomlinson had been in love with Harry Styles since Freshmen year of high school, ever since they shared the same seat on the bus during a field trip to a cement factory. Not exactly the most romantic setting, but Louis had an instant attraction to the slightly chubby boy with thick glasses.

 

Now, four years later and only a month until graduation, Louis was finally ready. He was going to ask Harry to be his date to senior prom.

 

Louis hadn’t exactly proclaimed his love to Harry before. He had tried talking to Harry several times, but he could never really muster up the courage. Sometimes he asked Harry for help during the calculus class that they shared this semester, but nothing beyond mathematical conversation occurred.

 

Louis and Harry weren’t exactly on the same social spectrum. Louis played on the soccer team in the fall, joined chorus in the winter, and had drama in the spring. It left him with lots of friends and a busy schedule.

 

Harry...well, he had his books and his straight A’s. No longer was he pudgy with pimples either. Harry was tall and gangly, but he had the same thick glasses. Sometimes he kept his hair slicked back with gel, but Louis much preferred his curls. Louis secretly called him ‘Bambi’ sometimes in his head, whenever he watched his crush trip and stumble in the hallways.

 

“I’m asking him to prom,” Louis repeated once again, more to himself than to Zayn.

 

“Whatever, man. You’re lucky we only have a month left till graduation, because your social status is going to go down the drain.”

 

* * *

 

Louis stared at Harry from his seat behind him during the entire period of Calculous. He was going to do it- ask Harry if they could talk after school, that is. Then he would make his move and ask the other boy to prom.

 

When the bell rang, Louis sprang into action, walking up to Harry as the other students all began to leave the classroom. He put on the nicest smile he could muster, despite his nerves going haywire with anxiety.

 

“Hi, erm, Harry?”

 

“What?” Harry asked, more focused on packing up his things than on Louis.

 

Louis blushed a little. “I wanted to talk to you, I had a question about-”

 

“Do you need help with Calculus?” Harry interrupted, further crushing Louis’ confidence. He took a deep breath, struggling to keep his smile in place.

 

“Oh no, nothing like that. Could we talk after school?”

 

Harry seemed to relax a bit. “Fine.”

 

“Okay,” Louis perked up. “Meet me outside the library?”

 

“Sure,” Harry said.

 

Louis was positively beaming now. “Perfect. See you soon Harry!”

 

They parted ways, and Louis daydreamed of prom night. They could wear matching tuxes if Harry wanted, and Louis could bring flowers to his house. He figured that his mum could come along to take pictures, unless Harry’s mom wanted to instead. Either way, it was important that they got pictures together before the event.

 

Louis wondered if they would kiss during prom. Most couples did, right? He would get to rake his fingers through those soft curls, and see what those inviting lips felt like upon his own. He wasn’t able to get Harry’s lips out of his mind until his english teacher scolded him.

 

As soon as the bell rang, Louis raced through the hallways to make it to the library, carelessly shoving people aside who blocked his path. He didn’t want to be late and make Harry worry.

 

Once he made it, Louis leaned against the library entrance door and caught his breath. He was pleased to see that he’d made it first, giving him time to rehearse the words in his head. ‘Harry Styles, would you do me the honor of being my date for senior prom?’ Simple, but effective.

 

He would have come up with something more extravagant, like banners and streamers, but Harry didn’t seem like the type to enjoy having a lot of attention on him. Hopefully this would work, and then Louis could spend his time afterwards coming up with romantic ideas for actual prom night.

 

A plethora of students passed the library, eager to get home and start the weekend. Louis jiggled his knee anxiously as he tried to pick out that familiar set of curls from the crowd.

 

When almost ten minutes passed, Louis began to worry that Harry wasn’t going to show up. He tried to assure himself that wasn’t the case. Harry could be caught up talking to a teacher or something. He did take his studies very seriously, after all.

 

Ten more minutes passed, and the halls were completely deserted. Now Louis grew very worried. He poked inside the library for a moment, wondering if Harry had perhaps misheard him and thoughts they were supposed to meet inside.

 

Finally Louis gave up. Harry had either decided not to show, or something important had come up. He desperately hoped that it was because of the latter.

 

Louis went home with his spirits a little crushed, but he planned to speak to Harry on Monday morning, as soon as he saw him.

 

Come Monday morning, Louis did just that.

 

He waited for Harry’s car to arrive in the parking lot (having arrived early to be the first one there, and waited almost half an hour himself). When it did, Louis was at Harry’s vehicle before the other boy had even gotten out.

 

Harry didn’t look very happy to see him as he climbed out of the driver’s seat.

 

“Good morning!” Louis greeted him with a bright smile.

 

“Hi,” Harry responded dully. “Did you need something?”

 

“Well, I had something really important that I wanted to ask you,” Louis said, fighting the urge to twist his hands together or fidget in general.

 

Harry stared blankly at him. “Yes?”

 

Louis looked into those beautiful green eyes and felt his confidence starting to come back.

 

This was it, this was the big moment.

 

“W-Well,” Louis swallowed, “You know how senior prom is two weeks away?”

 

“Yeah,” Harry said slowly, eyes narrowing. “What about it?”

 

“Oh, well-” Louis felt his face heating up. This was a little more awkward than he had been expecting it to go. “I thought that you might like to go. With me. You know, as dates?”

 

There was a long pause. The longest pause in the world. Louis felt his heart pounding brutally inside his chest as he watched several mixed emotions go across Harry’s face, and none of them looked very happy.

 

“Are...Are you being serious?”

 

“Y-Yeah,” Louis practically gasped, realizing he had been holding his breath. “Yes, definitely!”

 

There was another pause. Harry looked like he was being cross-mixed between being angry and being in disbelief.

 

“No.”

 

Louis’ brain was stuck. “N-No?”

 

Harry took a step closer.

 

“Let me make something very clear. You, Louis Tomlinson, are the last person I would ever want to go to prom with. Or do anything at all with, as a matter of fact.”

 

Ouch, Louis winced, and suddenly he felt the blood rushing in his ears, face heating up more than ever before. This was not at all what he was expecting. This was not the Harry he knew, the blushing, dimpled, eager-to-please Harry.  

 

Harry wasn’t finished speaking. “Don’t ever talk to me again, or even _look_ at me. Do I make myself clear?”

 

That had to be some sort of joke. But is wasn’t, Louis realized, because Harry sounded angry. It was the most emotion he had ever seen from the boy, and to be honest it frightened him.

 

Louis looked down at the ground. “Y-Yeah, crystal.”

 

Harry departed off toward his first class without looking back.

 

Louis skipped school that day.

 

* * *

**SEVEN YEARS LATER**

* * *

 

 

“Well Mr. Tomlinson, welcome to Silver Falls High School! We’re very excited to have you as a part of our staff.”

 

“Thanks,” Louis smiled at the principal, a kind woman named Mrs Watson. “I’m excited too.”

 

Today wasn’t an actual student day. It was a teacher’s inservice day, and the students would be returning tomorrow, on Tuesday. Louis was thankful that he wouldn’t be thrown into teaching on the very first day of his job, even if he was a teacher. He wanted to spend the day getting familiar with his new classroom and the school itself.

 

It wasn’t the beginning of the term; in fact, winter break was only a month away. The students had been dealing with a long term music appreciation and drama teacher substitute since September, because the previous one, Mrs. Lynndell, had passed away the second day into term.

 

They had been pretty desperate for a replacement, which is why Louis was pretty much hired on the spot during his phone interview with the school principal.

 

Silver Falls was located in Everton, Maine. It was a small town that Louis had never heard of until he’d applied for the job. To be honest, Louis hardly knew anything about the state of Maine itself, having spent his entire life in California, save for his family vacationing to England every summer, where his mum had grown up.

 

But Louis wanted change, and moving across the country would definitely give him some change. Would being separated from his family be hard? Yes, it was already proving to be a challenge, but Louis would have to make do with calling and Facetiming his many siblings and mum.

 

“Hi there! Are you our new Drama teacher?”

 

“That’s me,” Louis smiled. “Music Appreciation, too.”

 

The blonde held out his hand. “Right, right. I’m Niall, or Mr. Horan to my students. Welcome to our humble little school.”

 

Louis took his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Louis Tomlinson.”

 

“So, what do you think so far?”

 

“I like it here,” Louis told him honestly. “It’s quiet.”

 

Niall laughed. “Just wait until the students get here tomorrow, I’m sure you’ll think differently.”

 

Louis had to disagree. “Maybe. The last school I worked at was five times this size though, and definitely chaotic.”

 

“Oh yeah? What school was that?”

 

“A public school in California, Saint Fortuitous High.”

 

“You lived in California? Boy, you sure are a long way from home. You know that’s a bit weird, another one of our teachers spent most of his life in Cali too. Maine is supposed to be full of Mainers, what’s happening?”

 

Louis laughed. “Well, you don’t even sound American to be honest.”

 

“You’re right,” Niall agreed. “I lived in Ireland until I was about fourteen.”

 

“Well, I’ll leave you to get unpacked. See you at the staff meeting? I’ll save you a seat.”

 

“You bet,” Louis replied, feeling rather pleased at the aspect of making a friend so soon.

 

* * *

 

 

The small staff room was cramped as more teachers began to arrive. Louis savored his seat next to Niall, thankful that he had arrived early enough to avoid having to stand through the meeting.

 

While waiting, Niall had introduced Louis to several other teachers. There were Eleanor Calder and Perrie Edwards who both taught English, Liam Payne who taught gym, and Mr. Clifford who taught art.

Niall perked up as two more teachers entered.

 

“Harry, Nick, get over here! Come meet the new teacher!”

 

Louis’ entire world froze as his gaze came into contact with a very familiar face. The same curls, the same green eyes (without the glasses anymore) the same pink lips…

 

Niall’s hand rested on his shoulder. “Guys, this is Louis Tomlinson, our new music and drama teacher. Louis, this is our biology teacher Harry Styles, and our algebra teacher Nick Grimshaw.”

 

Someone, God or whoever the hell was controlling the universe, was obviously out to get Louis. What were the odds, seriously, what were the goddamned odds that Louis would be reunited with Harry Styles, the boy who Louis had crushed on through his entire high school career, only to be rejected when he’d finally gathered up the courage to make a move.

 

Louis felt his face heat up at he remembered those words so very clearly: ‘ _Don’t ever talk to me again, or even_ look _at me_.’

 

Harry was even taller than he’d been at age eighteen, which was saying something. Louis unfortunately hadn’t grown an inch, not since he was around sixteen years old. He blamed his mother’s short genes.

 

Harry didn’t have his glasses anymore, which must of meant he wore contacts. His hair also no longer held that ridiculous gel. He was tall, toned, and hot. It was hard to explain; he was so different than how he was in high school, but also so similar.

 

Nick smiled warmly. “Hi there Louis, welcome to our school.”

 

Harry was appraising Louis without much expression, but his mouth had dropped open partially, perhaps from shock. He greeted with a short, “Hello Louis.”

 

Louis shrunk down in his seat next to Niall, feeling tiny and timid, wishing that the chair would grow teeth and devour him into escape. “H-Hi.”

 

Niall, ever oblivious to the tension, made it even worse. “Oh Harry, you’ll never believe it! Louis here is from California too, isn’t that right? What a small world we live in!”

 

Louis couldn’t even look at them anymore. He ducked his head down, willing away his stupid blush.

 

Thankfully, any possible replies were cut short as the principal began to speak. Louis could feel a pair of eyes on him the entire time that the principal spoke. He squirmed self-consciously, because even though he dared not look, he knew that it was probably Harry.

 

It was probably the longest hour and a half that Louis had ever sat through. To make things worse, Mrs. Watson formally introduced Louis to everyone in the room at the end of the meeting, bringing all of the attention back toward him once again.

 

When it was over, Niall caught him before he could run. “Hey Lou, you wanna get coffee with me and a few others in the teacher’s lounge?”

 

Louis gently pried Niall’s hand from his shoulder. “N-No, that’s okay. I’ve still got a lot of things to do.”

 

“Okay. Tomorrow for sure then!”

 

Louis scrambled away and toward the door. His shoulder accidently came into contact with- shit, he’s bumped into Harry.

 

They glanced at one another, and Louis felt that horrendous blush coming back again.

 

“Um, excuse me,” Louis muttered, just as Harry opened his mouth to say something.

 

Louis hightailed it out of the staff room and back to his classroom, heart racing with adrenaline.

 

What had he gotten himself into?

 

* * *

 

 

“Well, go on! I want to hear all about your first day!”

 

Louis smiled at his mother’s excited voice. “Mum, it wasn’t really a first day. The students had it off, so I was mostly just preparing and stuff.”

 

“What do you think of the school? Is Maine as pretty as it looks in those nature calendars?”

 

“The school is nice...quiet, small. It’s good for me, I think. As for Maine, it’s...cold.”

 

“Cold…” She repeated. “And is that good for you, too?”

 

Louis laughed a little. “I’m not sure yet. I definitely need to buy warmer clothes.”

 

“You’d better! We can’t have you getting sick so soon into your new job, can we?”

 

“Right,” Louis replied, chewing on his thumbnail as he debated on whether or not to tell her about Harry. Well, it would be good to at least get it out to somebody. “Hey Mum, you’ll never guess who else teaches there.”

 

“Oh?” She was surprised. “Someone we know?”

 

“Uh, well, do you remember that boy I fancied through most of high school?”

 

“Oh yes, his name was Harry, wasn’t it? The one who...oh Boobear. He’s not-?”

 

“He is,” Louis sighed. “It, er, caught me off guard. I mean, what were the chances?”

 

“Oh darling,” His mother was sympathetic. “Are you sure this is a good idea? The whole point of this job was to get away from any reminders of Cali-”

 

“I know,” Louis interrupted. “It’s not exactly like I can turn back now, can I? I’ve just finished moving into my apartment, and I’m literally miles beyond miles away from you. I can’t just quit.”

 

“You know I can’t help but worry. Do you at least have your new therapist set up? Did the referral go through?”

 

“Yes Mum, I see Dr. Cordon Thursday evening,” Louis told her, biting his lip. “Don’t see why I should, though. I’ve already done a whole six months of-”

 

“Baby, how many times do we need to go over this? There is no shame in seeing somebody professional. You know what your evaluation was, post traumatic stress disorder isn’t something that just goes away.”

 

“Don’t you think I know that already?” Louis felt his eyes blur with unshed tears. “I’ve been doing everything Dr. Teasdale said to...I take my pills, write in my journal, go for walks every morning...”

 

“I know love, and you’ve done so well. I’m so proud of you, you know that. But it’s a mother’s job to worry, no matter where you are in the world or how old you are.”

 

“You really don’t have to worry,” Louis assured her. “Harry’s harmless. He’s nothing like- like _him_.”

 

There was a pause.

 

“Alright sweetheart,” His mother finally conceded. “I trust you. But you will call me again tomorrow, won’t you?”

 

“Of course I will.”

 

They said their goodbyes, and Louis focused on unpacking a few of the remaining boxes in his apartment. Well, apartment was stretching it. Truthfully he was renting a small cabin on a lone country road. The word ‘apartment’ felt more friendly, more alive, so that was what he was sticking with for now.

 

Tomorrow wouldn’t be that that, he told himself. The only reason he’d seen Harry was because of a staff meeting. They were on different spectrums after all, just like when they were in high school. Harry taught biology and Louis taught a combination of drama and music. Those were two very different things.

 

They would hardly have to worry about running into each other.

 

At least, that was what Louis hoped.


	2. The First Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, you guys are wonderful. I can't believe so many people commented, it made me only wait two days to update rather than a week like I'd initially planned! :)

“Louis, I really wish you’d change your mind and go. Prom is fun whether you have somebody to go with or not.”

 

“I’m not going Mum, okay? I don’t  _ want _ to.”

 

Louis was sat cross legged on the couch, a bowl of ice cream tucked between his legs and the remote control to the tv in his hand. He started blankly at the show playing, knowing that if he looked at his mother standing in the doorway, he’d probably cry. 

 

Louis had done a lot of crying these past couple of weeks. Not anything too pathetic, just a few sniffles here and there, in private. 

 

But now the reason for his tears was here: senior prom night. 

 

“Louis, getting turned down is nothing to be ashamed over. You can still hang out with your friends, eat some food, and have a good time dancing.”

 

“I’m not ashamed Mum, I’m just sad. I want to eat my ice cream and watch Scooby-Doo in peace, please and thank you.”

 

Evidently, Louis’ senior prom night was spent in loneliness, save for his little sisters keeping him company until their bedtimes. 

 

The following morning on Saturday, Louis called Zayn to see how his prom night had gone. 

 

“I still can’t believe you missed prom because of some nerd.”

 

Sometimes the way Zayn talked about Harry made him uncomfortable. “Shut up Zayn, he’s not just some nerd, he’s Harry!”

 

“Either way, you really should have come. I mean,  _ Harry _ even ended up going.”

 

“What?” Louis thought he had misheard Zayn. “Harry went to prom?”

 

“Yeah, he danced and everything. Looked like a complete loser to me.”

 

Louis hesitated. “D-Did he have a date?”

 

“Not that I know of. He hung around a few of his weird friends, like that Sheeran kid. But I mean, I only stayed for like, half of it before me and Gigi had some other fun, you know?”

 

Louis tried to wrap his head around it. Harry had gone to prom, but without even a date. He had rejected Louis just because he didn’t want to go with him; he did it solely to be  _ mean _ . Louis suddenly didn’t feel very sad anymore, a lot of it had been replaced with anger. 

 

Maybe he didn’t know Harry as well as he thought he did. Harry wasn’t some sweet, adorable dork. He was just a mean, selfish, arrogant boy who only cared about his books. Louis decided that he would take Harry up on his request; he wouldn’t talk or even  _ look _ at him for the remainder of the school year, just like his Bambi wanted. 

 

He didn’t care anymore.

 

(he really did)

 

 

* * *

**PRESENT DAY**

* * *

 

 

The morning of his first official day, it was drizzling out. Louis knew he should be thankful, because pretty soon the ground would be covered with snow instead of puddles. Louis packed his shoulder bag with his lesson plans and journal, putting on his blue sweatshirt and zipping it up snugly. 

 

After school he planned on buying a warm winter coat. This one might keep the rain off, but it was terribly thin and would do nothing to keep him warm. Because he did not have a car, he would have to make the two mile trek by foot. 

 

Two miles was hardly anything, and Louis was able to count his walks to the school as therapeutic ones. The town was small, and everything was thankfully within a walking distance anyway. Louis did enjoy the calmness of this town compared to his old California residence. 

 

Instead of people, Louis heard the birds talking to one another, and the last remains of the leaves falling to further bare the trees. By the time he made it to Silver Falls, Louis was numb with cold but also awakened and refreshed from the walk, ready to start his day officially. 

 

When Louis entered the lobby, he saw Niall talking with none other than Harry. He was thankful that his face was already red with cold, so it did well to hide his blush when the two other teachers looked over at him. He probably looked a sight, rainwater soaking his clothes and hair.

 

Niall raised his brow. “Jesus Tommo, did you walk here or something?”

 

“Tommo?” Louis smiled in amusement at the nickname. “And yeah, I did. It’s not so bad, and in a few months I’ll probably have enough money saved for a car anyhow.”

 

“I can pick you up anytime,” Niall offered, after he and Harry exchanged a glance. “Especially when it gets colder.”

 

“Thanks, maybe I’ll take you up on that sometime.” It was a lie. Louis wasn’t going to be taking rides from anyone in the near future. Louis left the two of them, wanting to get to his classroom and have everything in order for first period. 

 

Louis had just finished writing down some future lesson plans when there was a knock on his door. He was in for a shock when he saw his prom-reject in the doorway.

 

“I brought you something to warm up,” Harry awkwardly raised the coffee cup in his hand. “If you want it, that is.”

 

“O-Oh,” Louis cursed himself for almost squeaking. “You didn’t have to do that.”

 

The following conversation was like walking on eggshells. 

 

“Well, there’s a lot of precipitation out there today. A warm beverage can make all the difference between getting sick or not.” 

 

Louis was still unsure. “Um, thanks.”

 

Harry entered through the door, taking his thanks as in invitation to come in and hand him the coffee. Instead of leaving directly afterwards, he stayed standing by Louis’ desk. Louis quickly glanced up at him curiously.

 

“So...you’ve moved to Maine? All by yourself?”

 

“That’s right,” Louis looked back down at his desk, suddenly getting the feeling that he was under some sort of interrogation. “You too?”

 

“Not by myself,” Harry said. “My step-dad has a lot of family here, all of them fishermen, and he and my mum wanted to move closer to them. I decided to follow and go to university on the East Coast. I’ve been teaching here at Silver Falls for three years now.”

 

Louis didn’t really understand why Harry was telling him this. Frankly he didn’t want to talk to Harry at all. Besides, what was it Harry had once told him?  _ ‘ _ _ Don’t ever talk to me again, or even look at me. Do I make myself clear?’ _

 

He finally settled for a, “Well, that’s nice.”

 

“Yeah,” Harry cleared his throat. “It is.”

 

Louis had no idea how to respond, so he didn’t. That was when a couple of students entered the room, saving him from the situation. 

 

Harry took this as his cue to leave. “Well, have a good first day.”

 

Louis didn’t say anything as the taller man left the room. He turned to the two students who were eying him curiously and he smiled. 

 

“Hello there! Here for Music Appreciation?”

 

It was really good to be in a classroom again. If there was one thing Louis had been missing, it was teaching. Even at his old job, with triple the amount of students a semester, he still enjoyed interacting with the teens and giving them a passion for the arts. 

 

His classes were mostly filled with freshmen and sophomores for Music Appreciation, as the class was a general education requirement. Louis didn’t do too much with them today; he only had them write a paragraph about one of their favorite songs as a way to introduce themselves to him. He didn’t want to give them much to complain about after only one of his classes, and even gave them a little motivation speech about the class. 

 

“Now I know a lot of you probably just view this class as a necessity, but I’m hoping that if I play my cards right, you’ll walk out of here at the end of the semester having gained something positive. I know we only have about a month left until the end of term, but we can still make the best of it.”

 

First, second, and third period of Music Appreciation went by smoothly. After lunch break, Louis would only have two more classes to teach, and they were both Drama, something he was excited for.

 

During the third period, Louis allowed the class to have the last ten minutes to chat amongst themselves. He rested in his chair, resisting the urge to close his eyes as the chatter buzzed around him.

 

“Did you finish the textbook questions for Mr. Horan’s class, on the Civil War?” Samantha, a sweet and rather talkative girl, was asking her friend (Emily, Louis thought her name was). 

 

“Only half,” Emily shook her head. “They were hard. Besides, Mr. Horan will give us all the answers anyway, before he marks our grade. He knows how difficult this stuff is!”

 

“Yes, but he won’t give away answers on the tests. If I don’t keep my grade above a C, then I won’t be able to go on the ecology field trip. Mr. Styles says he won’t make any exceptions, we can only go if all our classes are a C or above.”

 

“Well, what’s your grade in history now?”

 

“An A,” Samantha admitted. “But you  _ know _ Mr. Horan’s tests, they can be tricky.”

 

“Mr. Styles wouldn’t really leave you behind. Sean had a D in English last year and he still got to go.”

 

Louis stopped himself from eavesdropping further. He wondered what an ecology field trip was. If Harry was a biology teacher, it was obviously something that would be related to science. There didn’t seem like a lot of cool places to go for field trips here, not like in California. 

 

The bell rung, and the students took off for lunch. Because the school consisted of less than two hundred students, there was only two, thirty-five minute lunch breaks. Louis hadn’t thought to bring himself anything, and he didn’t fancy going to the cafeteria either. 

 

To pass the time, Louis decided to have a bit of a wander around the school. With all the organizing and staff meeting yesterday, he hadn’t exactly familiarized himself with the school yet, despite its small size. 

 

Louis passed the other classrooms, reading their signs. His own classroom was right next to the auditorium, which was where his drama classes would be held. Next to his classroom were a few others with unrecognizable names. Then he finally saw Niall’s, and across from it was Harry’s. Both rooms were empty, both of them likely having lunch. 

 

Louis somehow found himself at the gym entrance next, where Liam Payne was inside picking up stray basket balls. 

 

“Hi there Louis!” Liam called cheerfully. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

“Not really,” Louis answered honestly. “Just having a look around the place.”

 

“Ah, getting acquainted with the school and all that?” Liam said, and then tossed a basketball toward him with the warning of, “Heads up!”

 

Louis caught the ball with a grin, dribbling it on the gym floor a few times. 

 

“Do you do much athletics?”

 

“I played on my school’s varsity soccer team as a left wing,” Louis said. “Never did any others though, aside from a few winter terms of track and field, until I joined chorus. I still jog every so often.”

 

Liam smiled. “If you ever want to go running together, let me know. The roads are shit in the winter to I stick to my treadmill, but maybe this spring we can be running buddies?” 

 

Louis nodded falsely, the idea of exercising in the company of another making him cringe internally. “Sure.”

 

He left the gym soon after, as one of Liam’s classes was going to begin soon, and was caught in the hall by Niall. 

 

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you. Want to have lunch in the teacher’s lounge? A few of us usually eat there today, except for Fridays when we go across town to this really good chinese place for takeout.”

 

Shaking his head with a smile, Louis said, “No thanks. Maybe some other time.”

 

"I'm holding you to that Tommo, I really am."

 

* * *

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday seemed to fly by. The students were here so calm and eager to please. So far he’d experienced nobody acting out. Perhaps it was one of the perks to working in such a small school. The other teachers were kind too, willing to help him with any questions that he had. 

 

His students in Music Appreciation were writing songs, and his drama students were in the process of writing their owns plays (Seeing as they didn’t have much of the semester left, unfortunately they wouldn’t be able to perform any professional plays). 

 

Thankfully, Louis managed to avoid any unwanted conversation with Harry. If they passed in the halls, Harry would greet him, Louis would nod in return, and that was it. 

 

He tried to pretend that the hot coffee cup sitting on his desk each morning was the work of magic. 

 

Niall kept pestering him to join the others’ in the teacher’s lounge for lunch. Once he realized that Louis wasn’t having it, the blonde teacher had brought his own lunch to Louis’ classroom and ate with him. 

 

Niall was really friendly. All of the teachers were, really, but Louis wasn’t that sociable. He could make small talk just fine, but it was hard for him to connect to people these days. He  _ was _ connecting with Niall a bit, though. It was impossible not too, with how friendly and open the Irishman was. 

 

“Okay, favorite movie, go!” 

 

Louis giggled at Niall’s urgency; they had been playing the favorite game for almost twenty minutes now, shooting questions back and forth. 

 

“Grease,” He answered without hesitation. 

 

“With John Travolta?” Niall perked up. “You know he lives in Maine, right?”

 

Louis did not know that. “What, seriously?”

 

“Yeah, in Islesboro! We could take the ferry out sometime. You might meet him anyway, he comes inland to Rockland to shop, and that’s only one county over.”

 

“Wow,” Louis shook his head. “Maybe this state isn’t as boring as I thought.”

 

“If you thought it was boring, why’d you come? California is probably a lot more exciting.”

 

Louis mustered a smile. “I needed change. It was getting a little _too_ exciting for me in California.”

 

Niall didn’t push it any further, and for that he was thankful.

 

* * *

Because it was Thursday, Louis called a cab to pick him up after school and bring him two towns over to where Dr. Cordon’s practice was located.

 

Dr. Corden (“Call me James,” he’d said when they shook hands) was a lot different than Dr. Teasdale. For one, his office was independent and private, not located in any sort of hospital. He didn’t wear those uptight clothes that doctor’s usually did; he stuck with a simple flannel and faded jeans. A lot of people around here wore flannel, Louis had noticed, and he wasn’t quite ready for conform. 

 

Something about James made Louis feel more at ease, and he began to wonder if perhaps restarting his therapy wouldn’t be as bad as he feared. 

 

“So Louis, you’ve been a Mainer for approximately ten days. How do you feel?”

 

Louis fiddled with the putty in his hands (James had an assortment of things in his office that he could touch or hold, like clay, putty, and squishy balls filled with glitter). “It’s...not horrible. A lot different than California though. Pretty cold.”

 

“You just wait until December rolls around,” James laughed. “But that’s also the best part. There’s no other place in the world that has Christmas like Maine. You’ll like it, I know.”

 

Louis wasn’t too sure about that. In fact, he was already planning on saving for a trip home to his family for Christmas. 

 

“How’s your job going?” James asked. “Are the kids giving you much trouble?”

 

“No,” Louis looked down. The kids were absolutely lovely. It was the teachers who were giving him trouble, namely one teacher in particular. 

 

“Well that’s good,” The therapist leaned forward in his chair a bit. “Now, I’ve gone through all of Dr. Teasdale’s notes and treatment plans. Are you still taking your Prozac regularly?”

 

“Every night,” Louis nodded. 

 

“That’s good,” James said. “Dr. Teasdale expressed a lot of concern about you moving so far away, starting a completely different life. She's right, this can’t be very easy for you. Have you experienced any nightmares, panic attacks..?”

 

Louis fiddled with the putty some more. “No, I- Not really. Nothing worse than before, I mean.”

 

“Now, tell me if any of the information is incorrect. You were admitted to the hospital last May, where you stayed as a patient for one week recovering from your injuries, and an additional two months in the psychiatric center for psychological trauma?”

 

Louis squeezed the putty hard. “That’s all correct.”

 

“Alright,” James’ voice softened, as he knew he was entering rough territory. “And then since your release in mid July, you took some time off from working and stayed with your mother?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“And then you decided that you needed a change, so now you’re here.”

 

“That’s right.”

 

They didn’t go very deeper than that for the rest of the meeting. That was good for James, because Louis wouldn’t have talked about it any further. He didn’t like talking about the accident, or even before the accident- the accident that wasn’t even really an accident. 

 

“See you next Thursday!” James called cheerfully through the doorway as Louis got into a waiting cab.

 

* * *

 

It was around ten that night when Louis felt the not so unfamiliar urge of anxiety creep under his skin. First he tried writing in his journal, but he could barely get any words out, not even a little song or poem. 

 

The walls of the cabin seemed to be closing in, which was why Louis decided the best thing he could do to help himself was get outside, effective immediately. 

 

Louis didn’t exactly know where he was going, but he headed the opposite direction of town, instead taking the other direction of the long country road. It seemed endless, but that was exactly what he wanted right now. 

 

The wind had picked up and nipped harshly at his skin. That was a mistake on Louis’ part, going outside for a walk in only sweat pants and a hoodie. His feet were a little chilly too, in his thin toms. He relished it though, letting the breeze sweep through his hair as he breathed in the fresh, woodsy air. 

 

Whenever Louis had panic-walks, as he called them, he always ended up crying. It wasn’t that ridiculous sort of hysterical sobbing that some people had. He just blinked out tears, and they made paths down his cheeks as he walked briskly, trying to rid everything bad from his mind. 

 

It was a little scary taking walks in Maine, out of the city. He wondered if there were many wild animals, like bears or moose. The answer was probably yes, and that left him a bit unnerved. 

 

After almost forty five minutes of walking, Louis finally decided to stop and turn around again, so that he could make his way back. 

 

It was well past midnight after his walk was finished, and Louis’ feet were numb, just like his insides. The important part was that his breathing had returned to normal, and his head wasn’t spinning so much anymore. 

 

For now, he was okay.

 

* * *

The following day, Louis was tired from his late night walk, and still recovering from his anxiety attack. Because of this, he didn’t feel like teaching. Luckily this was Music Appreciation, so he still had something to roll with. 

 

“Today is going to be simple. I’m going to play the piano, and I want you to write down your feelings to the music. What sort of thoughts does it give you? Does the music affect your emotion? Does it bring out memories? That’s the sort of stuff I’m looking for.”

 

So, after giving his short little set of instructions, Louis sat at the piano in the back of the classroom and played. He started out with a basic light tune, his fingers hitting the keys with automatic perfection. 

 

As the minutes passed, Louis found himself getting more and more lost into his music. The tune of the instrument did a complete 180, a beautifully tragic melody filling the void of silence. Louis didn’t pay his students any attention, too immersed in his song. 

 

When Louis had finally had enough, almost forty five minutes later, he finally drifted it to a slow end. When he opened his eyes to the completely silence, Louis came to terms with the fact that his class was no longer a private affair. 

 

Niall and Eleanor were standing just inside the doorway listening. His students were looking at him with gaping mouths, pens and paper untouched as they focused on him.

 

Louis felt his face blush red at the horrifying realization that he’d basically just poured out his feelings through song for the entire class (and maybe even school) to hear. 

 

“Class is dismissed,” He muttered, willing everyone to leave quickly so that he could compose himself. 

 

“Louis, that was so beautiful!” Eleanor complimented. “You put the whole school into shock, I think. The buildings not that big, practically everyone could hear.”

 

“I just had to leave class and investigate,” Niall said. “I get that you’re a music teacher and all, but you sound like you should be holding professional concerts or some shit. That was unlike anything I’ve ever heard. So sad, but beautiful? It's hard to describe.”

"Thanks," Louis looked down at his hands. 

 

Thankfully the two teachers had to get back to their classes, and Louis signed in relief, sagging against the piano bench and closing his eyes. 

 

“Louis?”

 

Eyes snapping open, Louis was caught off guard by Harry’s voice. 

 

Harry was tentative as he walked across the room to him. “I, uh, heard you playing. That was really...um, are you okay?”

 

Louis felt a sudden surge of bravery. “Why are you asking me that, Harry? Or better yet, why are you even talking to me?”

 

Harry took a few steps closer. “Well, I-”

 

“You don’t have to make an effort,” Louis told him. “Really. I know you’ve had something against me since high school, and it’s fine. I’ve come to terms with it. Just because we work in the same building doesn’t mean you need to force yourself to be my friend or bring me coffee and shit. Everything’s fine.  _ I’m _ fine.”

 

Louis wasn’t fine. Everyday just got worse and worse. He didn’t need Harry adding to that factor. Louis didn’t want those shitty high school memories piling on top of everything else going on in his life. 

 

Suddenly Louis was aware that he’d basically given Harry a proper telling off. It felt good, but at the same time he felt ashamed for his little outburst. He was an adult after all, not some hormonal teenager anymore.

 

Harry stood there staring at him, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. He didn’t look angry; shocked maybe, but not angry. Louis knew how he looked when he was angry from experience.

 

Louis was saved by the bell, literally, as it was time for next period. He got off the piano seat and returned to his desk, heart ramming against his chest from adrenaline. Harry gave him one last look, much more guarded now, before leaving. 

 

The students who were waiting outside greeted him with an enthusiastic, “Hi Mr. Styles!” 

 

Louis didn’t play anything original for the rest of the day, much to the student’s disappointments. He merely stuck to the songbook.

 

Never before had he been so thankful that the weekend was arriving. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments would be very much appreciated! They always inspire me to post quicker! <3
> 
>  
> 
> Fun fact: John Travolta really does live in Islesboro, and he ventures into Rockland a lot. I know this from personal experience!


	3. Unwanted Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much to everyone who commented. It really helps a writer feel encouraged and inspired, and so for that I cannot thank you enough. 
> 
> Oh, and I hope that everyone in the US had a pleasant Thanksgiving, with food and fellowship. Now I can officially play Christmas music without getting dirty looks! 
> 
> Enjoy!

When Louis woke up on Saturday, it was snowing. Nothing too impressive, just little flurries, but it was still something. Louis took his morning cup of tea and stood out on the porch, watching his front yard silently. 

 

Two deer were nearby, and their sight almost made his heart stop. Louis wasn’t too acquainted with wildlife, not up close and personal like this. In just ten steps, he could have been able to touch them. 

 

Louis finished his tea while watching them graze at the wildlife. Eventually he felt a little devious, calling out to them. As expected, the deer scampered away into the forest. 

 

Today he would walk into town. Louis had been putting off getting a winter coat for too long. Now that is was actually snowing, no more excuses could be made. He would need a coat, warm sweaters, winter socks, and probably boots, along with thicker jeans. 

 

After eating some jam covered toast, Louis showered and sat by the woodstove waiting for his hair to dry. He threw on a pair of black skinny jeans and and the warmest hoodie he owned, snatching his wallet from the table and starting the walk to town.

 

There were two clothing stores in town. One was a second hand clothing shop, and the other was a small LL Bean outlet. He would probably get his jacket and boots there, and the rest of his things at the second hand shop. 

 

It was just about noon when he reached the town. People were out and about, getting their weekend errands done. Louis recognized a few of his students on the streets, laughing and having a good time together. A few called out to him, and Louis smiled and waved back. 

 

When he reached the outlet store, Louis was pleased to see the selection of jackets. His eyes were immediately drawn to a red parka that would be sure to keep him warm. He found that, and another fleece coat that would be comfortable to wear around school or the house on cold days. It only took him a few minutes, and because the boot selection was so small, he would order those online instead.

 

It happened out of nowhere. 

 

Just as Louis made ready to go to the checkout line, a scene flashed before his eyes. There were loud noises, the screeching of tires, and blood. There was a familiar voice, speaking the words that still gave him nightmares. The familiar glint of- 

 

Louis jolted back to the present. He had dropped his pile of clothing in the middle of the aisle, but he couldn’t be bothered to pick them back up, as his hands were shaking so much. It was like all the blood had drained from his face, leaving him with a cold, numb feeling. 

 

It finally occurred to Louis what had just happened. He’d had a flashback. But he wasn’t in California. He was in Everton, Maine. 

 

It was rude, but Louis had to leave the store as quickly as possible. The clerk called out to him, but he couldn’t be bothered to answer. Suddenly Louis didn’t want to see faces. He wanted to go back to his cabin, and curl up under the covers for the rest of the day. He wanted to call his mum, perhaps, and hear the voices of his family. 

 

Louis hadn’t had a flashback in almost a month. The nightmares were still nightly, and the panic attacks weekly, but not the flashbacks. He tried to think of a trigger for it, but he couldn’t come up with any. 

 

Louis stumbled his way through the town, looking at the ground and blinking away tears that had built up in his eyes. His heart rate had increased in speed, and he felt shaken beyond belief. 

 

“Hey, Tommo!”

 

Oh no.

 

_ ‘Not now Niall, not now,’  _ Louis quickened his pace, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.  _ ‘Go away, go away, go away…’ _

 

“Louis?” Niall was next to him. He grabbed Louis by the shoulder, the sudden movement causing him to flinch. Then Niall saw his tear streaked face. “Louis, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing!” Louis pulled his shoulder away. “J-Just, I need to get home now. I’m okay, really.”

 

“You’re not okay,” Niall said quietly, watching with worry. “Come with me? Just to my car-”

 

“No!” Louis’ voice rose with fear at the thought of sitting in a closed off vehicle right now. “No car, okay? Not right now.”

 

“Okay then,” Niall rested his hand on Louis’ back this time. “I have another idea. Just come with me, alright? No car.”

 

Louis wasn’t in much of a state of resist, allowing Niall to take his wrist and lead him down the road. They reached a small building with a faded sign that read  _ ‘Willey’s Cafe _ ’.

 

“Hiya Henry,” Niall greeted the teenage boy behind the counter. “Two large hot chocolates to go, extra whipped cream for both of them. Oh, and marshmallows. Don’t hold back on the marshmellows.”

 

Henry punched in their order and went to prepare their beverages. 

“That’s Henry Willey, his parents own this cafe. He’s in my AP US History class,” Niall said proudly. “He’ll be going to university for sure, that one. I slipped a Bowdoin pamphlet into his locker a few weeks ago.”

 

Louis nodded to show acknowledgement that he was listening. 

 

When their drinks were ready, Niall passed Louis his and then they left the cafe. “There, now we can walk to your place without freezing to death. You really need a jacket, you know?”

 

“That’s what I was doing,” Louis finally spoke, cradling the warm styrofoam cup in his hands. 

 

“You didn’t end up buying anything?” 

 

“No,” Louis said. “I just...I had to get out. I remembered something, and now I need to get home.”

 

“Did you leave the oven on? That’s happened to me a few times before, but my house hasn’t burned down yet.”

 

“Nothing like that,” Louis shook his head. “I’m okay now, I promise. It was just a memory.”

 

Niall looked over pensively. “Well, I’m still going to walk ‘ya home, cause that’s what friends do. You know Louis, if you ever need to talk about something, I can be a really good listener when I want to.”

 

Louis smiled wryly. “Thanks Niall, but there’s no need for that. I already have a guy to spill my worries and woes to, only he’s paid for it.”

 

They walked for awhile in silence on the long road that would lead to Louis’ driveway. When they did reach his home, Louis prayed the Niall wouldn’t invite himself inside or anything. Luckily his prayers were answered, as Niall stopped at the bottom of his porch. 

 

“Hey Louis?” He said in the softest manner that Louis had ever heard from him. “It’s going to be okay. Honest.”

 

Then, Niall leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Louis shoulders. Louis stiffened for a moment, caught off guard, but then he relaxed into the hug. Niall smelled like pine and hickory, and it was very comforting. 

 

“Thanks Niall. Thanks for being my friend, I mean.”

 

* * *

 

On Monday morning, Louis decided that he could do with some coffee, which is why he made his way to the teacher’s lounge. Perhaps he could also have a run in with Niall and thank him again for the other day. 

 

He felt much better today, especially after having the rest of the weekend to recuperate. Now, Louis would daresay that he was actually feeling cheerful today, a new thing for him recently. 

 

When Louis got the the lounge, he could hear hushed voices coming from inside. Something about it put him on alert, and he stood beside the open doorway, hidden from sight but still able to hear what was being said.

 

It was Liam’s voice first. “You really shouldn’t be getting into his business Niall.”

 

“I’m can’t help it Liam. You should have seen him, walking down Walnut Lane all by himself and crying. I really think he needs some friends. Something’s wrong, really wrong. I have a bad feeling.”

 

Louis felt his heart rate increase, freezing in place outside the teacher’s lounge door. They were talking about  _ him _ . Discussing him, like he was some sort of problem.

 

“I believe you Niall, but I’m just saying to be careful. The last thing you want to do is smother him, that’ll make things worse.”

 

“I know,” Niall said. “Harry, you should help me out with this. You’re both from California, so you already have loads to talk about I bet.”

 

Louis took a sharp intake of breath, unaware that Harry was in the room as well. 

 

“I don’t disagree with you Niall,” Harry’s voice was slow and hesitant. “We do have a lot in common. We actually went to the same school, graduated from the same class…”

 

There was a pause, and Louis debated on running away or not. 

 

“Are you serious?” Niall’s voice was louder. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything before?” 

 

“Well, we didn’t exactly get along.”

 

That was all that Louis could handle. He left his place quietly, walking down the hall as fast as he could without full on running. 

 

They didn’t get along? Seriously? Louis had been head over heels for that boy, up until Harry crushed his dreams with the demand that they never look or talk to each other again. What a stupid, idiotic, fake bastard! 

 

Even worse, it was evident that the other teachers were pitying him. Now though, Harry was telling lies and they would all hate him. It was like fate had some sort of grudge against him, making his life so complicated when it was supposed to be getting better. 

 

Around eleven, the entire school was being called to the auditorium for some student announcements and a special presentation of drug awareness. It would interrupt Louis’ third period class, but it wasn’t like they were doing anything too complicated; Louis was going over classical music, focusing on Chopin and Mozart. 

 

When he got inside the auditorium, it didn’t take Niall very long to track him down. 

 

“Louis, over here! Come sit down!”

 

Louis smiled a little, making his way over to the blonde. He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed over knowing the fact that Niall was talking about him to people, but truthfully after really thinking about it, he knew that the Irish teacher meant no harm. It was Louis’ own fault, for being so messed up in the first place. 

 

Liam was sitting to Niall’s right, and louis to his left. Louis looked around and saw that now most of the school had entered the auditorium. He caught sight of curly hair and green eyes, and unfortunately so did Niall. 

 

There was an open seat left on the end of their row, next to Louis. Naturally Niall had seemed to notice this. “Hey Haz, over here!”

 

Harry waved, walking down the rows toward them. Louis was still pretty furious at Harry, for what he had heard in the teacher’s lounge. 

 

Mrs. Watson took the center of the stage. “Good afternoon boys and girls, staff and faculty. I have a guest speaker with me today who has a presentation about the dangers of drugs. Afterwards, our senior class president Janet has a few very important announcements for the class of 2019.”

 

An old balding man took the center of the stage, playing a slideshow and talking in a terribly boring drawl. Louis already knew that this assembly would be a pain in the ass to get through. 

 

Harry leaned over to the row in front of them to speak to a student who was obviously texting due to the small glow coming from his hands. “I know technology is addicting Connor, but right now you’re supposed to be learning about a different type of addiction.”

 

The glow instantly disappeared. “Sorry Mr. Styles.”

 

Harry shook his head fondly. He then looked across Louis at Niall, who was playing Fruit Ninja on his own phone, and hissed, “Seriously Niall?”

 

Niall didn’t even look up from his phone. 

 

“He’s hopeless,” Harry whispered to Louis, who startled at being spoken to. Louis had half to mind to pull out his own phone and begin playing games on it, but he didn’t feel brave enough. 

 

After almost thirty minutes later, the presentation was finished, and Louis had a sore bottom from the hard bleachers. Next the senior class president was called up to the stage. She must have been popular, because everyone clapped.

 

Janet Ray was certainly was certainly more interesting and upbeat to listen to.  “Hey everyone, I hope you’ve all had a great morning! I’m just up here to let you know about the school’s upcoming craft fair and bake sale. It’s going to be held this Saturday in the gymnasium. Please encourage your friends and family to come, all of the funds are going to our senior prom!”

 

The mentioning of a prom wouldn’t have bothered Louis so much if he hadn’t been sitting next to Harry. But he  _ was _ sitting next to Harry, so it  _ did _ bother him. He felt his body go a little more rigid, cheeks warming under the dim lighting. He stared straight ahead, as to not accidently let his eyes wander over to Harry.

 

As soon as the assembly ended, Louis was the first to get up. Due to the narrow rows, he ran into Harry’s knees. Harry murmured a low, “Careful” when Louis stumbled. 

 

“Sorry,” He muttered, face red as he made it out, joining the crowd of students as they went back to their classes. 

 

The rest of the day seemed to fly by after that. 

 

Louis went to the library when the school day was over, looking for potential plays he could use for next semester’s drama class. He figured he’d end finding something online instead, but it was an excuse to check out the library and wait for the snowfall outside to die down a little (it had started about an hour ago). 

 

When he was finished with his search, just about to depart, he saw Harry standing at the desk talking to the librarian. Louis tried to be as quiet as possible, as to not be seen by him.

 

This day was turning out to be just full of bad luck. 

 

The librarian, an elderly woman named Miss Grindle, spotted him and beamed.

 

“Ah, Mr. Tomlinson, perhaps  _ you _ could help us? I have several boxes here, full of the library’s old books, to donate you see. My back just isn’t the same as it used to be, so I can’t lift much. Mr. Styles here has offered to take them to the donation center for me, but I would hate for him to do all the lifting by himself.”

 

Louis felt his stomach drop, but he couldn’t just refuse, he’d be an asshole. “Um, sure.”

 

“Oh thank you darling, you’re both such dears!” 

 

A few minutes later they were silent all the walk to Harry’s car, each holding several boxes. 

 

Harry set his boxes down in the backseat and wiped his hands on his pants. “So, how is everyone back in California? Are you still friends with, er, Zayn?”

 

“Zayn’s doing time,” Louis answered shortly, passing his boxes to Harry.. “We don’t talk anymore. Not because of that or anything...Other reasons.”

 

“Oh,” Harry blinked at the news, otherwise unmoved. “That’s a shame. Well, how is your family?”

 

“Fine, not that it’s any of your business.”

 

“Louis,” Harry sounded frustrated. “I’m trying to compromise here. I’m willing to put aside our differences if you are. We’re not kids anymore, we don’t need to hate each other.”

 

Louis snorted. “Stop acting like a saint. You’re the only one who was filled with hate.”

 

Harry threw his hands up, turning to leave. “You’re impossible.”

 

“Me?” Louis was furious. “What have I done?  _ You’re _ the one who ruined everything! I mean, even if you didn’t like me back, you didn’t have to be so mean about the prom rejection! I was a sensitive kid, you know?”

 

The biology teacher stopped in his tracks. “What?”

 

“I thought I had moved passed it, but now that you’re here, I might as well get it off my chest. Harry Styles, you’re one of the most insensitive people I’ve ever met. I stayed home on prom night eating my feelings away with ice cream because of you. Then I find out the next day that you actually went to prom, stag nonetheless! You rejected me just to be mean.”

 

Harry was looking at him as if he had two heads, mouth agape. 

 

“But you know what? I don’t care.  _ I don’t care _ ! I have problems way bigger than some old high school crush. Problems that are bigger than all of yours put together!”

 

“Hold on,” Harry visibly swallowed. “Y-You were really asking me? For real, I mean?” 

 

Louis look at him with furious disbelief. “What are you talking about?  _ Of course _ it was for real! I was so excited, you have no idea. I had matching tux ideas saved on my computer, my mum was going to take pictures, I was even going to bring flowers to your house! But then you said  _ no _ . Actually, you told me to never talk or look at you again, so why the fuck am I even talking to you right now?!”

 

“Louis-”

 

“Stop it. I don’t want to talk right now!”

 

Louis shoved past Harry, despite the other’s sound of protest. He made straight for the sidewalk, not bothering to go back inside the school and get his bag. It would just have to wait until tomorrow. 

 

 

By the time Louis made it home, his hands were completely numb. He drank two cups of coffee, wrote three pages in his journal, and spent over an hour on the phone to his mum. 

 

Anything to get his mind off of Harry Styles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know your thoughts in the comments! <3


	4. Bringing back the bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so amazing. 
> 
> It's really a gift, being able to read your comments. It makes my writing feel more worthwhile, if that doesn't sound too corny? So thank you, really, thank you so much.

“So tell me more about this flashback. You don’t have any idea what triggered it?”

 

Louis fiddled with the putty in his hands; he had chosen red today. “No. I mean, I was just shopping for clothes. I was really caught off guard. It’s been so long, I was starting to think they were gone for good.”

 

“That’s the funny thing with flashbacks. They might span out more distantly overtime, but because you’ve been through trauma, you’re always going to be susceptible to them.”

 

“Great,” Louis groaned, putting the putty down and rubbing his hands together. “Jesus it’s cold, doesn’t this building have any heating?”

 

James raised an eyebrow, but went to turn up the thermostat on the wall. “Well, you’re definitely showing more spirit compared to last Thursday. I knew you couldn’t really be so quiet.”

 

“Sorry,” Louis apologized, realizing that he’d sounded a bit rude. “I’m just having a rough week. On top of the flashback, I’m dealing with school drama...like  _ actual _ drama, not drama from my drama class.”

 

“Really now? What sort of drama?”

 

“You’d think I was stupid,” Louis said, shaking his head. “It’s nothing that will kill me.”

 

“I love a good bit of drama,” James told him. “You know, it might even be good for you. Plenty of people experience drama, kid or adult. It’ll give you something else to focus on.”

 

“I doubt that teaching at the same school as my prom reject is good for me,” Louis said dryly. 

 

James blinked, and then promptly burst into laughter. He continued on for awhile while Louis glared at him irritably, squeezing the putty until his knuckles were white. Finally James got the hint and quieted himself, clearing his throat. 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. That was just  _ so _ completely random. I mean, what on earth? You have to tell me more now.”

 

“No way! I’m not here to talk about my teenage years, I’m here at Dr. Teasdale’s insistence. You know, to make sure I’m not too mental or something.”

 

“Hey now,” James grew serious again. “You’re here because you’ve been through a traumatic event. You’re definitely not mental- trust me, I  _ know _ mental. If I wasn’t under the strict laws of confidentiality, I’d have loads of crazy stories to tell you.”

 

“But it’s not like I’m normal either. Dr. Teasdale said if I didn’t see you for at least another year, I could lose my teaching license, or- or go back to the hospital.”

 

James frowned. “I think she was just trying to use scare-tactics to keep you in therapy, which I don’t agree with. Nobody  _ wants _ to make this a chore for you, but we also want to avoid any potential serious breakdowns. Coming to terms with and handling your trauma will help with that.”

 

Louis shuddered. “I don’t ever plan to go back to the hospital.”

 

“Nobody ever plans to go to the hospital,” James reminded him. “Personally, I think you’re doing quite well, taking all circumstances into consideration.”

 

“You’re probably just lying,” Louis’ throat felt a bit tight. “Everyone thought me coming here was a bad idea. My old doctor, my mum, my sisters...and they’re probably right. But- But I can’t go back. I don’t want to.”

 

“You don’t have to,” James said, leaning forward in his chair and resting his elbows on his knees. “Hey Louis? Look at me.  _ You _ are in charge of your own life.  _ You _ make your own decisions.  _ You _ have all the control. Do you understand? It’s really, really important that you do.”

 

“I guess,” Louis wiped his eyes. “I just want to be normal. I never used to cry so much, or close my eyes every night and see- Or fuck, even just walk to the store and buy a stupid jacket without losing control. I hate this, I hate it!”

 

James regarded him quietly for a few minutes, and Louis breathed heavily. 

 

“Doesn’t that feel nice?” The therapist finally asked. “Doesn’t feeling angry help? Feeling anything in itself, really, doesn’t it make you feel empowered?”

 

“Um,” Louis blinked away the last remnants of tears. “Sure?”

 

“You have this down, Louis, you really do. Within time things are going to get better. You'll see what I'm talking about eventually.”

 

 

* * *

 

On Friday it was officially the start of December. As if nature was making a statement, the sky was producing big fluffy flakes of snow outside in the early morning. 

  
  


Just as Louis was finishing his coffee, he heard the rumble of an engine coming down his dirt driveway. He peered out the window and recognized the blue car to be Niall’s, immediately relaxing afterwards. He went to the front door and let his friend inside, a little caught off guard at the large box Niall was carrying. 

 

“Hey Tommo!” The bleach blonde teacher greeted him with too much enthusiasm for six o’clock in the morning. He set the large box on Louis’ kitchen table and then had a look around the cabin. “Wow, what a beautiful place. You know this was the Jones’ old home, the people who used to manage the post office. After Judy passed away, her husband Everett moved to their daughter’s place in Wisconsin. Everett built this cabin himself.”

 

“It’s beginning to grow on me,” Louis said, and it was the truth. He enjoyed the quietness of his cabin, and the wood stove kept it warm and cozy even through all the cold weather. The scenery also gave him inspiration to write in his journal. “So not to be rude or anything, but why are you here?”

 

“I’m here because of that,” Niall nodded to the box on the table. Louis raised an eyebrow in question, but followed Niall back over to the box. 

 

“These are some winter apparel for ‘ya. There’s a jacket, some sweaters, mittens, hats, a pair of boots...pretty much the whole lot.”

 

“Oh,” Louis was shocked, eyes wide as Niall pulled out numerous clothing articles from the box. “You didn’t have to do that.”

 

Niall shrugged it off. “Think of it as a welcoming gift. It was me and some of the other staff of the school. We really hate seeing you walk in the cold with only a sweatshirt. It’s a wonder you haven’t caught pneumonia or some shit.”

 

Louis ran his fingers over the winter jacket, black with white fleece lining the neck and inside of it. It would surely keep him toasty for his winter walks. 

 

“Do you like it?” Niall asked, and Louis nodded. “Good. Put it on then, and a good pair of gloves. I’m going to drive you to school this morning, and we’re also gonna grab some croissants from Willey’s.”

 

Louis’ stomach dropped a little. “I can walk myself, you know?”

 

“Louis, not only is it still dark out, but it’s snowing like crazy. We might end up having an early release if it keeps up, so keep your fingers crossed.”

 

The jacket was too big for Louis, the sleeves coming well past his fingers, but he liked it. It made him feel warm and cocooned, and it had the faintest hint of pine and sawdust, despite appearing fresh and washed. 

 

Niall’s car was toasty, the engine having stayed on while Niall was inside. The heater blasted hot air in Louis’ face, and the dashboard and floor were littered with books, stray papers, and fast food trash. 

 

“Do you like Justin Bieber?” Niall asked, turning up his radio to one of the celebrity's new songs. 

 

He didn’t really, but Louis didn’t want to complain. “Um, yeah.”

 

“Oh good!”

 

Niall was actually an easy driver. He followed the speed limit as he sang along to the radio, and then they were at the cafe in less than two minutes. “You wait here, I’ll get us breakfast.”

 

Louis waited in the car, tapping his fingers and tracing small patterns on the foggy windows. His eyes strayed to the glove box, and after quickly making sure Niall was still gone, Louis opened it. He relaxed at seeing a massive assortment of McDonald’s napkins, straws, gum wrappers, and the car registration information. 

 

Niall soon returned with two warm golden croissants and the same kind of hot chocolate they’d had last weekend. “Sorry that took awhile, there was a line!”

 

“That’s fine,” Louis felt his mouth water at the smell of the food. “How much do I owe you?”

 

“Nothing,” Niall waved the offer away. “Just promise to wear your jacket whenever you walk somewhere from now on, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Louis flushed pleasantly. How on earth could Niall be so kind? There were clearly no motives behind his actions, save for friendship.

 

Louis' belly was full and his insides were still warm from the hot chocolate as he arrived to his classroom that morning.

 

 

* * *

 

“Mr. Tomlinson?” 

 

Louis looked up at the girl by his desk and smiled. “Bree. What can I do for you?”

 

The student looked sheepish. “I didn’t pass in my homework today. You know, the thing you assigned about making a connection to one of the characters from _ Almost, Maine _ .”

 

Louis was aware of his assignment. John Cariani’s _Almost, Maine_ was the play he had picked out for his drama students. It was perfect, really, with eight scenes taking place at the same time. Of course they would be acted out one at a time, but the point was that each scene had to do with love. Good love, bad love, developing love, failing love...it was beautiful. 

 

His class this semester only had two weeks left, so they wouldn’t be able to perform it. However, he still wanted them to read the play. They could study the dynamics in class, act out the scenes informally, and hopefully his students would learn something from it. 

 

“I see,” Louis was aware of the fact that she wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “Well, is there a reason you didn’t turn it in?”

 

“I forgot it at home,” She said. “I was in a hurry this morning.”

 

Louis shook his head, chuckling a bit. “Oh, is that all? Just bring it in Monday. I don’t really dock points for late work, unless it’s really, really late. I just want you to get more acquainted with the play. Okay?”

 

She relaxed. “Really? Thank you Mr. Tomlinson. I’ll have it in Monday, I promise!”

 

Louis chuckled to himself again as she hurried from the room. He planned on getting home right away, to get a head start of the weekend, so he quickly went about zipping up his jacket and gathering his papers together. 

 

“You look good in my jacket.”

 

“What?” Louis spun around to the intruder in the doorway, who was of course none other than Harry Styles. “Wait, this is  _ your _ jacket?”

 

Louis had done a proper good job in avoiding Harry since their little confrontation on Monday. Harry had tried speaking to him in the copy room yesterday, but other than that, they’d generally stayed away from one another, thanks to Louis’ talent of precluding any one-on-one conversations.  

 

“Mmmhmm,” Harry hummed slowly in confirmation. “The blue sweater is mine too, and the boots are Liam’s. The mittens are from Niall, his grandmother from Ireland makes them by hand and sends him a pair each year. Those are last years’ I believe.”

 

“Well that’s-” Louis sighed as Harry entered the room. “Nice. It’s nice of you all, so thanks. Now if you’ll excuse me, I-”

 

“Wait!” Harry blocked the doorway with his body this time. “We need to talk, Louis. You can’t just keep avoiding me like this.”

 

“Yes I can. You wanted me to, remember?” Louis said childishly. 

 

Harry ignored his snide comment. “Just a few minutes, please. We can stay here, go somewhere else, or even just sit in my car-”

 

“I don’t want to,” Louis interrupted. “Look, I’m sorry for having that meltdown on Monday, okay? I just want to move on from it, and focus on more important matters.”

 

Louis wasn’t really sorry for exploding at Harry that day. In fact, it had felt sort of good to get all those feelings off his chest. It was like James had told him earlier, feeling and expressing anger actually helped a bit. Feeling angry was  _ okay _ . 

 

It was still a bit annoying dealing with the aftermath, particularly Harry trying to catch him alone at random intervals throughout the week. If not for Niall often being by his side, Louis probably would have been caught by Harry a lot earlier. 

 

“We really have to talk about this, Louis. I think there’s been a serious misunderstanding that needs to be brought to light.”

 

“Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? The damage is done.”

 

“Ten minutes,” Harry practically begged. “That’s all I’m asking.”

 

Louis gave a relenting sigh. “Fine. Can we stay here?”

 

“Of course,” Harry said, gesturing to some of the desk chairs. “Why don’t we have a seat?”

 

Louis did so begrudgingly, hoping to get this over as quickly as possible. Harry sat next to him, and they were both quiet for a few seconds. Just as Louis was about to suggest avoiding this talk altogether, Harry broke the ice. 

 

“I really didn’t think you were being serious about prom,” Harry muttered, playing with his fingers. “I mean, the entire school warned me about it. I didn’t know what else to do.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Well, word got out that you were going to ask me to prom. I heard a lot of people laughing about it. They had a riot, really, because it was truly illogical. Why would you have asked someone like me to prom?”

 

Louis felt affronted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means that you could have asked anyone, girl or boy, in the entire school and they would have said yes. You were popular Louis. People liked you, and you were so involved with everything and everyone. Not like me…I was alone for the most part.”

 

Louis was speechless. He’d known Harry didn’t hang out with friends a lot, but he had always assumed he was just shy, or busy with his books. That was one of the reasons he had been so cute back in their school days. 

 

“Your friend Zayn, he made me do his math homework everyday, same with  Shahid and a few other boys. Well, actually they’d just steal mine for themselves, and that’s why I started bringing extra copies. Then you started asking me for help when we had calculus together, and I thought you were mocking me-”

 

“I wasn’t,” Louis said quietly. “I just didn’t know what else to say to you. Academics was never my strong point, and we didn’t have anything in common. I didn’t know about Zayn doing that, otherwise I would have said something.”

 

“Zayn wasn’t my biggest problem,” Harry confessed. “I mean, come on, surely you had to be aware of  _ some _ of the things going on? Everyone participated. Even the freshmen got amusement from tripping me in the halls. My glasses were snapped in half every time I got a new pair, that’s why I always had tape around them. Oh, and I always ate lunch in the classroom to avoid getting it dumped on me. I was the school’s mockery Louis.”

 

Louis’s eyes stung. “I didn’t know. I really didn’t.”

 

“You were probably the only person in the entire school who never used me for my brain, or for entertainment. I, erm-” Harry’s ears were red. “I actually really liked you.”

 

Louis sat up straighter, peeking over at Harry. “You did?”

 

“Yeah. That’s why I felt so- so  _ angry _ at the prom thing. You should have heard the things people were saying. ‘Tomlinson’s going to make prom a night to remember for you’ or ‘You won’t be a virgin anymore after prom night Styles!’ and things like that.”

 

Louis’ lip quivered. “But...But I  _ was _ going to make it a night to remember.”

 

“The way they said it, it was mockery. Then on that day you asked me to meet you in the library, before that there was a note in my locker. It was from Zayn, I think. I can’t remember it word for word, but- It implied that you were going to do something to humiliate me during prom. I don’t know, it just crushed me. I was so upset.”

 

Harry seemed upset now, too. His soft brown curls cascaded down the front of his face as he looked down at the floor. They still looked as soft as ever, even if they were longer than how they were in high school. 

 

“I liked you for a long time,” Louis revealed. “Remember that fieldtrip freshman year, where we went to that cement factory? We sat next to each other, remember, because of the alphabetical assigned seating?”

 

“Yeah,” Harry’s eyes were wide. “Yes, I remember.”

 

“That’s when I started liking you. Um, I thought it was sweet, the way you were trying to read on the bus and whenever we went over a bump you would lose your page. Oh, and that was when I went through my bad acne phase. I had this huge spot under my nose, and I almost didn’t go to school because of it. You didn’t make fun of me for it though, or stare at it or anything.”

 

Louis didn’t know why he was rambling, and when he stopped to take a breath he blushed some more, especially because Harry was sort of staring at him in awe. 

 

“I remember that day too,” Harry said. “I thought you were really fit. I don’t remember any acne.”

 

Louis couldn’t contain a smile. “Well, that’s a relief.”

 

They were silent for a few moments, and Harry rubbed his neck. “I’m sorry about how mean I was, when I told you no. I know this doesn’t change things, but I did have second thoughts when I saw your face...you looked so upset. It’s no excuse, but I was going through a lot back then. Once I had a college picked out and realized I’d never have to see people from that school again, I didn’t really hold back. I took it out on you.”

 

Louis shifted in his chair to fully face Harry. “It’s okay, now that I understand a bit better. I’m sorry too, about Zayn. I really didn’t know...if I had, I never would have told him about how deeply mad I was crushing on you. Zayn, he had it really rough too. His mum died junior year, and his dad was an asshole. I think he took out his problems on  _ you _ .”

 

“High school is rough all around,” Harry said with a shrug. “Is it, um, too personal to ask what he’s in prison for?”

 

“Distributing illegal drugs. I stopped talking to him before that though.”

 

“Oh,” Harry looked curious, but he didn’t push it.

 

“Hey Harry, can I ask you something?” Louis asked after a moment of silence, each teacher watching the snow fall outside the window. 

 

“You just did,” Harry said, prompting Louis to roll his eyes. 

 

“Why did you become a high school teacher, if high school itself was so bad for you? If I remember correctly, you had the grades to do just about anything you wanted. Why teaching?”

 

“Oh,” Harry seemed caught off guard from the question. “Well, I think education is really important, and a teacher can make all the difference in that. I know for sure that I would never have survived school if not for my teachers. They told me I could make something of myself, you know? My chemistry teacher Mrs. Larose told me everyday how important I was. Teachers are influential, and that’s what I want to be.”

 

“Wow, that’s really brilliant.” Louis smiled. 

 

“What about you? You said academics weren’t your strong point, so why high school?”

 

“It’s not like I’m teaching something hard, like math or science. I had so much fun taking theatre and drama in high school. I hadn’t really planned on teaching Music Appreciation too, but at least I know my way around a piano, and I  _ do _ appreciate music.”

 

“Your music is lovely,” Harry told him. “A little emotional, but also breathtaking. The students really like you, you know? I hear them talk about you a lot.”

 

“Really?” Louis grinned, not having known. “I like the kids here. They’re well behaved...not like how our school was.”

 

“Big city schools tend to be like that.” Harry said. “But bullying can really happen anywhere. We’ve had instances here before, so I try to keep an eye out. I, um, know all the signs, so…”

 

“That’s great Harry. Really it is.”

 

Harry cleared his throat. “Louis, I’d really like for us to be friends. I, well, I really want to have a part in helping you enjoy life here. I also want to make up for high school.”

 

“Harry, you don’t need to make anything up to me. I get it now. It was just one of those shitty situations, from both ends.” Louis told him firmly. “But...I’d like that too, to be friends.”

 

Harry beamed, looking excited and relieved at the same time, and Louis was drawn to how pretty his green eyes were as they shone. “Okay. Yeah, excellent. Great!”

 

Louis smiled back at him, because Harry had obviously pertained some of his adorable awkwardness from high school, but then his eyes caught sight of the clock. “Oh crap, it’s practically four. I need to get back before it turns dark.”

 

“Can I drive you?” 

 

After biting his lip for a moment, Louis took a gamble and nodded. “Sure, alright.”

 

Harry’s car was different compared to Niall’s. It was cleaner in the front, for one, but still just as comfortable. The scent of pine was very strong, and Louis noticed a pile of wreaths in the back. 

 

Harry saw him looking. “My mum has a wreath business for the winter. I brought in a few for the school, and for friends.”

 

“Nice,” Louis said, and snickered when the car turned on and revealed a Christmas station playing 'Frosty the Snowman' on the radio. “This is better than Justin Beiber.” 

 

“Niall drove you this morning, didn’t he?” Harry remembered. “He’s a big fan, as I suppose you can tell.”

 

All of this was quite bizarre, Louis thought to himself. A lot of new things had happened today. For one, he’d driven in the passenger’s seat of two different people’s cars. What was even stranger was the fact that it wasn’t putting him on edge. He supposed that it was because of the drivers. Niall was a ball of sunshine, and Louis’ first real friend here. As for Harry, well, Louis knew him. He knew that Harry was safe. Harry wouldn’t hurt him, not anymore. He technically hadn’t even hurt him on purpose as a teenager. It was very relieving to know. 

 

“You live at the Jones’ old cabin, right?” Harry asked. 

 

“Yeah,” Louis confirmed. 

 

“Is it- I mean, how are you enjoying that? It must be tough, being in Maine alone. I came with my parents and it was still a major adjustment.”

 

“It’s good for me,” Louis said. “Well, hopefully.”

 

Harry looked like he wanted to ask Louis something, but he refrained himself. Sometimes, Louis gathered that Harry acted like he was on thin ice around Louis, since they’d started working together. He could probably sense how messed up Louis was. Suddenly something occurred to him.

 

“Hey Harry? You’re not just being nice to me because Niall asked you to be, right? I sort of heard you guys talking on Monday.”

 

“I saw you,” Harry admitted. “You’re not as sneaky as you think you are. Niall and Liam are just a bit oblivious.”

 

Louis blushed. “Oh great.”

 

“You blushed a lot like that in school too,” Harry mused, laughing at Louis’ glare. “Ah, and no. I’m not just being nice because of Niall. I wanted to talk to you before that...you seemed so different compared to high school, and I wanted to confront you about the prom thing too. Well, now I’m just glad everything makes sense, and that we can move past it.”

 

Harry soon pulled into Louis’ driveway. They were both quiet for a moment, and Harry switched the radio off. 

 

“Thanks for the ride,” Louis said, grabbing the door handle. 

 

“Louis?” Harry grabbed onto Louis’ elbow, and it caused him to flinch violently without meaning to. Harry's hand shot back like it had touched fire. “Sorry, sorry!”

 

“N-No,  _ I’m _ sorry!” Louis wanted to curl up and die. Why did he have to ruin everything? “Um, what was it that you wanted?”

 

“Oh!” Harry gestured to the backseat. “Won’t you take a wreath, to hang on your door? I brought them for my friends in the first place, so...”

 

“Really?” Louis felt a little giddy, despite being a bit shaken up still. “I’d love one, thanks.”

 

Harry fished him a wreath from the back, one of the greenest from the pile. 

 

“Here you go,” He passed it to him. “You know, I’m really glad we talked.”

 

“Me too,” Louis said. 

 

“Do you think we could talk again soon? I think we have a lot of catching up to do.”

 

“I’d like that.”

 

“You know, I don’t mind giving you rides, if you need them. It can’t be fun walking everywhere, especially now that it’s cold. I live closer than Niall does, so if you ever needed to get somewhere quickly...”

 

“Thanks,” Louis told him earnestly. “But I’m okay. I mean maybe sometimes a ride would be nice, but I don’t  _ need _ any, okay?”

 

“Well, let’s exchange numbers regardless. That way I can at least text to ask.”

 

Once they exchanged numbers, Harry bid him a goodnight and drove into the darkness. These winter nights were depressing really, as it was barely past four and the sun was completely gone. 

 

Louis hung his new wreath on the door and stayed on the porch for awhile. The outside light illuminated the wooden floor, and he could see his breath creating fog with each exhale. His new jacket did a good job with keeping him warm. 

 

When he finally entered his cabin, Louis changed into sweatpants and put a frozen pizza in the oven. While waiting for it to cook, he got his journal out. 

 

~~_ Today was pretty good  _ ~~

 

_ Today was actually okay.  _

 

_ I feel okay.  _

 

After grading papers, watching a bit of television (he’d finally hooked up the cable), and drinking some herbal tea to relax himself, Louis was in bed by nine. 

 

By midnight he was screaming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was alright! I'm eager to hear any thoughts or reactions in the comments! <3


	5. A show of weakness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I hope you can forgive me little hiatus. 
> 
> I should be back to doing weekly updates from now on. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was completely silent, save for the sound of the tap water running. It was turned all the way on hot, so much that a light steam was emitting from the faucet. Louis kept his hands there, letting the water run along the top of his hands, turning the fragile skin a bright pink.

 

“Louis? Darling, can I come in?”

 

Louis didn’t answer. He didn’t even notice her, not really. His mother was like a faint background noise, irrelevant to his current thoughts. He massaged his hands a little rougher under the water, relishing in the stinging.

 

The pain helped him focus. He was here, now, in his mother’s home. His sisters were downstairs doing homework and eating their afterschool snack, the baby twins were napping, his step dad was working, and his mother was doing laundry.

 

Everything was normal, and also very safe.

 

Suddenly, his hands were snatched away from the water, and the faucet was turned off.

 

“Oh Louis, what have you done to yourself?”

 

* * *

**Present Day**

* * *

 

 

“Alright girls, slow down! I need to get pictures before you’ve opened all the presents!”

 

Louis laughed, watching as his mother struggled to take pictures as his younger sisters tore apart the presents underneath the tree.

 

“You can take one of me Mum!” He called out, holding up a clumsily wrapped red box in his hand. His mother aimed her phone toward him and took several pictures.

 

“That one’s from me Lou,” Lottie called out, setting aside her new box set of eyeshadow.

 

“Really now?” Louis raised an eyebrow, knowing he was going to love it no matter what. Lottie was a good gift giver, even if her wrapping could use some work. He tore the paper off with ease and opened the box.

 

It turned out to be two long sweaters, one white and one a forest green. He could already tell just by looking at them that they would reach his mid thigh, but they felt as soft as hell.

 

“Figured you could use some sweaters, being in Maine now.”

 

Louis smiled at his eldest sister. “Thanks Lotts, I’ll definitely be using them.”

 

Fizzy had put together a homemade journal, with pictures of his whole family on the cover. His other journal was getting full, so he would be sure to use his new one soon. Daisy and Phoebe ended up getting him a massive amount of candy, and already he’d started munching on the head of his chocolate Santa Claus.

 

It was a good Christmas, and it felt good to see his family again.

 

“The girls really miss you,” His mother told him later that evening, as she and Louis sat on the sofa, each with a glass of wine. “I do too of course. Are you sure you need to go back tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah,” Louis told her. “I miss you all too, but I’ve still got loads of work to do while I have time off. I still haven't unpacked anything, and I need to get ready for the new semester. I’m going to have my drama students perform a play called _Almost_ , _Maine_. It’ll be exciting to have such a fresh start.”

 

Jay watched him closely, and then smiled. “You seem to be doing better Darling. Tell me more about your friends over there. There was the Irish one…”

 

“Niall,” Louis told her. “He’s been so brilliant Mum, I’ve never had a companion with such an infectious smile. Then there’s Liam, he actually invited me to the Christmas tree farm that his parents and he run….I didn’t get a tree this year since I was coming home, but I had apple cider and fried doughnuts. Then there’s Harry-”

 

“The one from your old school?” Jay asked.

 

“That’s right,” Louis blushed.

 

“You never gave me a follow up,” She reminded him. “How are you and Harry? Forgive me if my memory is wrong, but that boy left you heartbroken senior year.”

 

“We talked about it,” Louis said. “Nothing was really done on purpose, or with harmful intent. It turns out that Harry was bullied pretty badly during school. I guess I knew that he didn’t have many friends, but it was worse that I thought. We never really had many classes together, but Zayn had told Harry me asking him to prom was all a setup.”

 

Jay’s face darkened a little at the mention of Louis former friend. “It’s funny that you mention it. Zayn called here a few days ago, asking to speak with you. I didn’t tell him about your move, but I asked him not to contact you again.”

 

Louis was about to defend Zayn, but then he remembered how his friend had treated Harry, and evidently mucked up his potential prom date. “That’s...probably a good idea. But Mum, you know that he had no idea about- about the things that happened this past year, right?”

 

“He knew about the drugs.”

 

“But not the other stuff,” Louis assured her. “Look, I’m not going to call Zayn, alright?”

 

Jay’s face softened. “Alright. Tell me more about Harry. It makes sense now, why he might have turned you down.”

 

“Right,” Louis nodded. “We had a chat about it, and he feels bad, just like I do. Nobody was in the wrong or the right, so we’ve basically put it all behind us and formed a friendship.”

 

“Only a friendship?”

 

“ _Yes_ _Mum_ , only a friendship! We’re just friends.”

 

“You can’t blame me for asking!” Jay held her hands up in defense. “Darling, all you ever talked about was this boy through your last years of school.”

 

“Well we’re just friends,” Louis repeated. “I mean, of course he’s incredibly attractive and I wouldn’t mind kissing him, but that’s not going to happen. I need to sort myself out first before I get into a relationship.”

 

“Good choice, my love. I’m just glad you’re making friends and doing well.”

 

Louis laid his head on his mother’s shoulder. “Me too Mum.”

  


* * *

 

 

“I still can’t believe you’ve never been sledding before!”

 

“Well that isn’t my fault,” Louis defended himself. “There’s hardly enough snow in San Diego to go sledding.”

 

“This is the best sort of sledding weather,” Niall told him. “The snow’s thinner and frozen over with ice, so you’ll go completely flying. It’ll be fantastic!”

 

It did sound like fun to Louis. Sledding was always something he’d pictured as an activity for children. His younger sisters would probably have a ball doing such a thing. But here in Maine, far away from his family, it was just twenty five year old Louis and his new friends, who were equally as old as he was.

 

“Harry’s bringing the sleds, and Liam has this big ass toboggan he’ll bring too.”

 

Louis froze at the news. “It isn’t just us going?”

 

“Course not, the more the merrier when it comes to sledding,” Niall said, but then looked at Louis with a slight frown. “Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

 

Louis hadn’t expected to see Harry so soon. They had only just had their ‘confrontation’ about the past a day ago. Louis had planned to use his weekend for recovering from it, and making sense of the things that had happened.

 

Such as he and Harry possibly being friends.

 

It was just a lot that had happened, and it was all a bit overwhelming. Louis didn’t exactly dread having to see Harry, but he was also still feeling cautious.

 

Whether Louis was ready or not, Harry was already there when they arrived, digging around in his trunk and pulling out sleds.

 

“Haz!” Niall called, parking crookedly beside the biology teacher’s vehicle. He quickly shut off the engine and exited the car, so Louis followed suit.

 

Once Liam arrived, they made the trek toward the hills.

 

“Not a lot of people know about this location,” Liam told Louis as they walked to the top. “It’s lovely for sledding, you’ll see.”

 

Louis did see, once they reached the top of a very large hill.

 

“Shit, this looks pretty steep.”

 

“You’re right about that,” Niall cackled. “Get on the sled Tommo. It’s only fair that you get the first ride...and the biggest push.”

 

Before Louis could comprehend anything else, Niall shoved at Louis back with a surge of strength, and Louis found himself flying. Seeing as the snow was layered in ice, there was no stopping the sled as it soared downwards.

 

Louis felt an immediate rush of adrenaline, but not the kind he feared. He felt a pleasant tingling feeling in his chest, breathing in the crisp afternoon air and closing his eyes.

 

But just like that, within less than ten seconds, the ride was over. The sled skidded to a stop, and Louis found himself landing with a thud, rolling off the sled onto his side. He couldn’t stop the small giggle that burst through his lips. God, he felt like a kid again!

 

“TOMMO!” Niall hollered from up the hill, waving his arms. Louis sat up and waved back, watching as Niall himself got onto a sled, and Liam gave him a mighty push. Niall was soon soaring down the hill as well.

 

“Having fun?” Harry asked, once Louis had been down the hill twice on a single sled. His legs ached a bit from the long walk up each time, but the ride down was always worth it.

 

“Very much so,” Louis told him.

 

Niall and Harry were now both setting up Liam’s toboggan. Niall sat in the very back, with Harry in front of him. It was an enormous sled, and Louis wondered how fast it would go downhill.

 

“Come on Louis,” Harry patted the front of the toboggan, where there was just enough space for him to squeeze into. “Liam’ll send us flying.”

 

Praying that the winter wind would hide his blush, Louis situated himself onto the toboggan. It was a tight squeeze, with Harry’s legs enveloping around Louis’ own. He almost let out a squeak as Harry’s big hands rested on his sides, holding him securely onboard, but thankfully he contained his noise.

 

Liam passed Louis the reins. “Okay Louis, you hold the front rope tight, it’ll be up to you to steer. Not that you need to steer much, it’s basically a downhill shot.”

 

“Right,” Louis nodded.

 

“Steer us good Tommo!” Niall shouted, and then Liam acted. He had backed up a few long paces before sprinting forward, pushing the toboggan with all of his might.

 

It was a hundred times more intense than a single sled. The combined weight of three men on a huge ass toboggan caused them to basically go into lightspeed, or at least that was what Louis thought. He was giggling like mad again, especially at what happened next.

 

They were flying.

 

No, they literally were, because the wooden sled had hit a snow bump built by a previous sledder, and it caused them to go airborne. To Louis, everything seemed to be in slow motion, but in reality everything was faster than ever.

 

Louis jerked on the rope, and the toboggan went sideways as they landed with a heap into the snow. While Harry and Niall both hit the icy ground, Louis’ wipeout was lessened as he landed on top of Harry’s back, saving him from a faceful of snow.

 

“Fuck!” Niall cheered. “I didn’t even see the ramp!”

 

Harry groaned, and Louis quickly moved off of him.

 

Niall thumped Louis on the back when he stood up. “Who’s up for round two?”

 

* * *

 

It had to be well into the evening by the time they finished up, as the sun was on the verge of beginning to set. They would have stayed longer, but Niall had received a phone call from his brother, who had broke down in a few towns over and needed help.

 

“It’s because he never changes the oil in that thing,” Niall sighed. “Hey Harry, do you mind giving Louis a lift home? It looks like it might start snowing, I need to get a move on if I’m driving to Owl’s Head and back.”

 

“Sure,” Harry agreed instantly, and Louis felt his face go red.

 

“You don’t have to do that,” He murmured quietly, but loud enough for Harry to hear.

 

“I sort of do, unless you’d rather ride with Liam, which, trust me, you wouldn’t want to do. His truck smells like raccoon piss.”

 

“I cleaned it up!” Liam argued. “How was I supposed to know my sister left the window open overnight? I’m never letting her borrow it again.”

 

“Right, I guess I’ll just go with Harold then.”

 

“Harold?” Harry smiled crookedly at the nickname.

 

Louis rolled his eyes. “Let’s get going then. I think my legs are going to fall off, I’m so tired. We must have walked up that hill over a dozen times.”

 

When the got to the parking lot, Niall gave Louis a big hug. “I almost forgot to tell you Tommo, I’ve got a belated Christmas/Birthday present for you. It’ll be ready in a few days, so be prepared, yeah?”

 

“Niall,” Louis grinned. “You didn’t need to get me anything.”

 

“Oh trust me, I did. You’ll love it...and it’s a very practical gift. Just wait and see.”

 

“You’ll love it,” Liam agreed, patting him on the shoulder. “See you at school Monday.”

 

Soon it was just Louis and Harry, both seated in Harry's car once again.

 

“So, are you excited for the new term?” Harry asked.

 

“I am. I’ll get a chance to know the students better, now that I’ll have them for a few months. What about you?”

 

“I’m thrilled,” Harry told him earnestly. “It’ll be busy though. I’m taking three new online courses, so with that combined with teaching, it’ll be busy. Not to mention overnight ecology field trip is coming up in two months.”

 

“Online courses?”

 

“I’m finishing up my phd degree in biology,” Harry said, looking modest as he fiddled with the radio station.

 

“Jesus,” Louis muttered. “What are you going to do with a phd? Wait, will I have to call you Dr. Styles from now on, when you finish?”

 

Harry laughed. “You can just call me Harold. As for the future, who knows. I might teach at a university though. High school is great, but I feel like college students have a bigger passion in science, especially if they’re majoring in it.”

 

“I think that’s brilliant Harry. You’d be great teaching wherever, from kindergarten to graduate school.”

 

“Thanks Lou,” Harry sounded warm enough to send a delightful shiver down Louis’ spine. As they drove through the long country roads, he was completely relaxed in the presence of his new ex-enemy friend.

 

Of course that all had to change, when a car from the road ahead skidded past a stop sign, completely disregarding them.

 

Harry immediately had to hit the brakes to avoid slamming into the careless car.

 

The sound of rubber squealing against the asphalt sent shivers down Louis’ spine. He wasn’t in Harry’s car anymore, he was somewhere far away.

 

“Asshole,” Harry muttered angrily as he began to drive again. “I bet they’re drunk, that’s the road that leads to the pub. I wish I got their lisen- Louis?”

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Louis realized how awful he must have looked. His skin felt clammy, and there was this heavy feeling in his stomach, as if he’d swallowed a rock.

 

“Out,” He finally gasped, feeling breathless and dizzy. “Let me _out_!”

 

The car slowed down immediately, and Louis’ hands fumbled with the lock. It wasn’t coming undone, his trembling hands unable to do it. No, no, no! He moaned sickly, feeling bile rise in the back of his throat.

 

Suddenly there was a click, and the lock was undone automatically. Louis wasted no time in opening the door and flying from the car. His feet crunched against the snow as he blindly took off, down the ditch and into the woods.

 

“Louis, wait!”

 

If he was thinking straight, perhaps Louis would have stopped. Harry probably thought he was insane. The thing was, Louis wasn’t thinking straight at all. He trudged quickly through the woods for perhaps five minutes, only seeing white and feeling the wild thump of his heart.

 

Finally, he collapsed into the snow, curling into himself.

 

“H-Harry?” He whispered, breath hitching. “Where am I?”

 

“We’re somewhere near Fluker Ave,” Harry said slowly. “In Everton, Maine.”

 

“Maine,” Louis repeated. “I’m in Everton, Maine.”

 

“That’s right,” Harry confirmed. “Louis- Can I come closer? I want to sit down next to you, is that alright?”

 

“Y-Yeah.”

 

Harry moved closer and then slid to his knees next to Louis. They sat closely next to one another, so that their shoulders were touching. It was a comforting presence, one that slowly brought Louis back to his senses as the minutes passed.

 

“Harry?” Louis cringed at how awfully small and pitiful his voice sounded. “Do you think I’m mental?”

 

There was a brief silence, and Louis felt his throat tighten.

 

“No,” Harry finally answered. “No, of course not.”

 

Louis’ shoulders sagged.

 

“Good,” He sighed. “Because I’m not, I promise. I’m just- things are different, that’s all. I just need to get better. That’s why I’m here.”

 

There was more silence. The woods were oddly calm, with small birds twittering in the distance and the gentle wisps of wind in the air.

 

“It’s going to be okay,” Harry finally said, his voice starting the silence away. “Whatever it is, it’s going to get better.”

 

“How do you know?” Louis asked miserably, not caring how stupid and childish he sounded at the moment.

 

“I just do,” Harry said, sounding sure of himself. “Whatever it is, it’s going to get better.”

 

It had started to snow again, but Louis hardly felt the cold. He was shivering for different reasons, mainly as he tried to maintain control of his thoughts, get the bad ones out and replace them with good ones. He’d give anything for some of the putty in James’ office, as fiddling with the object sometimes helped calm him down.

 

“Hey Lou,” Harry spoke, rousing Louis once again, as for a moment he’d forgotten the other man was even there. “The weather’s picking up. Can you please, please come back to the car? I won’t drive, but we can at least put on the heat, and some music.”

 

Louis blinked. “Yeah...yeah, ‘course we can.”

 

“Brilliant,” Harry smiled hesitantly, standing up and dusting the fresh snow from his pants. He held out a leather gloved hand for Louis to take, waiting patiently. Louis carefully put his own mittened hand into Harry’s.

 

Harry didn’t let go of his hand, gently leading Harry back through the woods, until they reached the road once again, where Harry’s car had been hurriedly parked on the side. Both the doors were still open from where they had existed the vehicle in such a hurry.

 

“Here we are,” Harry helped situate Louis into the passenger’s seat. “Can- Can I shut the door? It’s okay if you don’t want me to.”

 

“You can,” Louis said shortly. “I don’t care.”

 

Harry shut the door, and then he made his way to the other side. Once he was seated inside the car as well, he turned on the engine and immediately turned the heat onto full blast. Louis’ hands began to sting, and he realized how cold he was.

 

“Dunno if any radio stations reach this road,” Harry muttered, fiddling with the radio. “Aha, we’ve got The Moose.”

 

A familiar pop song came from the radio, but Harry kept it down low, more as background noise than anything. Neither had anything to say at the moment, so they both sat in the vehicle and allowed the heat to thaw them out.

 

“Hey Louis? We really need to get indoors, the snow is picking up.”

 

“Okay,” Louis nodded, as it made sense.

 

“So,” Harry bit his lip. “We’ve a few choices. I can call Niall, and you can ride with him. Or you could stay with me. However, I don’t want you alone right now.”

 

“I’m not mental,” Louis’ voice was sharper now. “You said I wasn’t. I’m fine to go home.”

 

“Lou, there’s a fine difference between needing help and being mental. If someone is upset, they shouldn’t be alone. If Niall was upset, for instance, I wouldn’t want him to be alone either.”

 

Clearly he wasn’t getting out of this, Louis could tell, just from the determined look in Harry’s eyes alone. “Don’t call Niall. I don’t want anyone else to know.”

 

“I won’t tell,” Harry promised. “Does that mean you trust me to drive? I’ll go slow...I have to anyway, because of the snow.”

 

“I trust you,” Louis said, and he was telling the truth. Harry wasn’t a nutcase. Harry wasn’t like- He just wasn’t a dangerous person, and Louis knew that. He’d known that since high school, in fact.

 

Harry slowly pulled onto the road, which now had a fine dusting of snow over it. No plows had come along yet, and the yellow line was barely in sight. Still, Louis was calm as Harry began driving.

 

They were silent for a few minutes, with only the music playing faintly in the background. Louis was warmer now, the heating system doing its job. He leaned back against the seat, watching through half lidded eyes as Harry drove somewhere unfamiliar, further away from the direction to town.

 

A sudden thought came to Louis, and he shot upward in fear.

 

“Harry, where are we going?”

 

“Oh, I was going to take you to-”

 

“Not the hospital! Harry, I told you I was fine. You promised, you said I wasn’t-”

 

“Louis!” Harry brought the car to a stop again, turning to look him in the eyes. “Lou, calm down. Take a deep breath...that’s it. Now, I’m not taking you to the hospital, okay?”

 

“Y-You’re not?” Louis asked stupidly.

 

“I’m not,” Harry confirmed. “We’re going somewhere much better than a hospital.”

 

Louis relaxed a bit then, feeling rather stupid for thinking that Harry would do such a thing. Still, it was always a fear in the back of his mind, going back to the hospital. He’d definitely end up losing his teaching position at Silver Falls high school if they thought he was unstable.

 

So long as Harry didn’t take him to a hospital, Louis would go anywhere with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> **Side note, if you have any questions or want to come chat about the story, my twitter is @trysomecats I'm privated right now, but I always follow back! <3


	6. The Thoughtful Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't apologize enough! This spring semester has been running me ragged, that's the only excuse that I can give. Good news though, only two weeks left of the semester, and then I have four months off to sleep, write, and work in order to save money for my NEXT year of college. Life is so much fun. 
> 
> In all seriousness, I promise that once summer arrives (early May for me) I'll get this finished quickly!

“Here we are darling, this will warm you right up.”

 

“Erm- thanks,” Louis accepted the steaming mug of cocoa, looking wide eyed around the cluttered kitchen, which happened to belong to the parents of Harry Styles, who was his prom-reject-coworker-turned-friend whom he’d just had a breakdown in front of. 

 

What a bizarre night this was turning out to be. 

 

“Not a problem Louis,” Anne said, smiling kindly as she passed Harry a mug as well. 

 

He kissed her on the cheek in thanks, grinning widely as she ruffled his curls. “Trust me Lou, my mum is used to impromptu visits.”

 

“It’s true,” Anne agreed. “It’s funny, despite having his own home now, Harry has dinner here more often than he doesn’t, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

Louis suddenly missed his own mother, who seemed further away than ever. He really hadn’t spoken to her much since Christmas, even if that had only been a few days ago. Perhaps when he was back at home, he would give her a call. 

 

Louis was sitting at the head of the kitchen table, a warm afghan wrapped around his shoulders, and now a hot cup of cocoa in his hands. It was strange, because neither Harry’s mother or step-father had questioned their son arriving with a pale, trembling stranger in tow. 

 

“This is Louis, and he needs a hot drink and some cheering up,” Was the only explanation that he had given them. 

 

Now, ten minutes later, here he was. 

 

“It’s really coming down,” Robin, Harry’s step-father, noted as he peeked out the window. 

 

“You boys might have to stay the night,” Anne said. “You have extra clothes here darling, right?”

 

“Yes,” Harry confirmed. “My laptop is at home though. I was going to finish my paper tonight, for one of my classes.”

 

“It can wait,” Anne said sternly, and Louis had to chuckle when Harry wrinkled his nose in distaste. He was feeling a little warmer now, especially after sipping his cocoa. The hot drink warmed from his mouth all the way to his belly. 

 

Once his drink was gone, they moved to the living room, where Louis was introduced to two new members of Harry’s family. Anne and Robin had retired to bed, so it was just Harry, Louis, and two adorable cats. They sat on the couch together, so close that their knees were touching. 

 

“This one is Dusty, and the one who ran behind the couch is Dotty.”

 

Louis grinned, as he had a great love for all animals. “They’re great. I used to have a dog, Ted. He’d sleep on the foot of my bed every night. Good dog, he was. I miss him a lot.”

 

“He sounds great,” Harry smiled. “Pets really are the best, aren’t they? Animals don’t have the cruelty that humans do. They’re all instinct and innocence. The two big I’s.” 

 

Louis snorted. “That’s a nice way to think about it. You are right though.”

 

“I think you’ll find that I’m right about a lot of things,” Harry teased. 

 

Louis took the bait. “Oh, like what?”

 

“Well, I knew that you’d like my mum’s cocoa.”

 

“You were right about that,” Louis nodded. “That’s something to be proud of, I suppose.”

 

“I also used to be a baker.”

 

“What?”

 

“A baker,” Harry leaned forward, eyes bright. “Remember that bakery on Walton’s corner, back in California?”

 

“The one that was always full of old ladies? Yeah, I think my mum bought our birthday cakes from there.” 

 

“That was where I worked, for  _ three _ years!”

 

Louis paused for a moment, chuckles bubble in the back of his throat. “Harry, what on Earth does that have to do with you always being right?”

 

“Well,” Harry faltered. “Er, I don’t really know. I just thought it was something worth telling you.”

 

What an odd, beautiful man that Harry was. “Alright Curly, thanks for telling me. If I ever crave some baked goods, I’ll give you a call.”

 

Harry laughed then, and it was such a comforting sound. 

 

“I’m really glad that you moved here,” Harry said once the laughter had subsided, and it made Louis grow still. He got that feeling in his chest, the one that he had got all the time in high school. 

 

“I’m glad I moved here too,” He replied, smiling as he stared into his favorite shade of green eyes. 

 

Had this been some romantic scene in a movie, it would have been a great moment to share a kiss. Unfortunately this was reality, and Louis had just suffered a panic attack a couple of hours ago, and Harry was still his prom-reject-coworker-turned-friend, and it certainly wasn’t appropriate to kiss someone with that kind of relation to you. 

 

Maybe Harry sensed it too. “It’s getting a bit late, We should probably get to sleep now.”

 

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, ignoring the pang in his chest when Harry got up from the couch. 

 

“Come on then, I’ll show you to the guest room.”

 

It took a long time to fall asleep that night. Louis’ thoughts were full of a lot of things. The breakdown from earlier kept nagging at his brain. He had to learn to control it, so that he wouldn’t make a fool of himself. Harry had been so calm and composed, and even after witnessing such a thing, he was treating Louis like  _ normal _ . 

 

Back at the hospital, nobody had treated him like that. They wrote down notes, and sedated him when his behavior got- when it got like how it had been earlier this evening. Well, maybe not exactly like that, because Louis hadn’t thrown chairs around this time, or clawed at his own wrists when he was caught in a flashback. 

 

He had just run about in the snow a bit, before sitting down in the woods. When really thinking about it, this had probably been one of his more milder panic attacks. Perhaps it was the peaceful environment, or the freedom, or maybe even the presence of someone he felt safe with. 

 

Harry was safe. He was as harmless as a fly, he had been from the day that Louis had met him. Yes, he had said hurtful words, but that was years ago and those words were justified. Harry, as a human being, was nothing but a soul filled with compassion and understanding.

 

* * *

 

The following morning, once Harry had driven him back to the cabin, Louis received his belated Christmas present. 

 

The only problem was, it had almost given him a heart attack upon first glance. 

 

“Niall, what the hell!” Louis’ voice wavered as he stared at his driveway incredulously. “How- What even  _ is _ this?”

 

The Irishman was beaming widely. “I told you that I had a Birthday slash Christmas present for ya’, didn’t I?”

 

“Niall, it’s a  _ fucking _ car!”

 

This wasn’t normal. People didn’t just give other people cars, especially when they haven't known them for more than a few months. Christmas and birthday be damned, this was simply too much. 

 

“It’s not just any fucking car,” Liam provided helpfully. “Niall and I rebuilt the engine together, with a bit of help from my dad. He’s well experienced in auto service.”

 

“I worked on the interior design,” Harry added, giving a cheeky grin at Louis’ bewilderment. 

 

“I was- I was going to buy my own car,” Louis said slowly. It was the truth, as his paychecks were finally doing justice, now that he had a job. The cabin was moderately priced, and he had phone and internet bills, but he had done well with saving regardless. 

 

“Now you don’t have to,” Niall said. “There’s no takebacks on this, Tommo. It’s your car, so you just let me give you the keys and you can test her out, yeah?”

 

Louis blinked. “Um, okay- alright. Fuck.”

 

The car itself wasn’t anything too extravagant, but it was perfect. The leather seats had warm flannel covers, and there was a Yankee Candle air freshener that made the car smell like vanilla cupcakes. 

 

It had been a long time since Louis drove. He ran his hand along the steering wheel, startled to see that his hands were shaking slightly. Suddenly, there were three more people piling into the car with him. Niall claimed the passenger seat, while Harry and Liam took the back. 

 

“Come on them Tommo, put her to the test!”

 

Harry’s hand came from behind to touch his shoulder. “Just take your time and go slowly, yeah?” He said gently. “There’s no rush.”

 

When Louis pulled out of the driveway, controlling a vehicle by himself, surrounded by people who treated him with nothing but pure kindness….

 

In that moment, he felt alive again. 

 

And so, he pulled to an abrupt stop on the side of the road. 

 

“Tommo, what are you-”

 

“Thank you Niall!” Louis unbuckled his seatbelt, throwing his arms around the unsuspecting Irishman. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I don’t even know what to fucking say. I don’t understand why you’re so nice to me, but just- Thank you!”

 

“Easy Tommo,” Niall was delighted, returning the hug with just as much enthusiasm. “It’s no problem, all of us love you. You fit right into our little community, you know that?”

 

“Yeah- I suppose so,” Louis sniffled, refusing to shed a tear in front of his friends. “Liam, Harry, you guys too. I’m so- happy? Yes, I really am, and I didn’t think that I would be feeling something like this so soon. I’m just grateful to have you lads.” 

 

“We’re grateful to have you,” Liam said, looking touched. Harry was grinning hard enough to show his dimples, and so of course Louis couldn’t resist leaving his Nialler-hug in order to poke at one of them. 

 

Finally Louis got back into the driver’s seat. “Come on then, I’ll take us to the donut shop. My treat!”

 

* * *

 

It was week two into the new semester. Louis was adjusting well to his new students, and he could already tell that his drama class would do excellent in ‘ _ Almost, Maine _ ’. 

 

Having a car was a big help for the semester as well. Louis now drove to and from school, to the grocery store, to places like Bangor where they had a mall, and even to counseling by himself. Being in control was so relieving. He held the wheel, he pushed the gas pedal, he chose where the car would go. 

 

Needless to say, it was a good feeling, one that he had been missing up until this point. 

 

During his teacher prep-period, Louis found himself wandering the halls, unconsciously heading toward Harry’s classroom. He didn’t really have a reason, other than to take a little glimpse and see what the biology teacher was up to. 

 

Harry caught him peeking, much to his mortification. “Ah, Mr. Tomlinson, you’re just in time! Want to come see some African Dwarf Frogs?”

 

“African what?” Louis asked, stepping further into the room now that he was discovered. A few students that he recognized said hi to him, and suddenly Louis didn’t feel like he was intruding anymore. 

 

“They just arrived yesterday,” Harry explained excitedly. “African Dwarf Frogs, we’re doing a project with them. The students keep logs and calculate their growth and behavior for three weeks, and then they get to take them home.”

 

“Look Mr. Tomlinson,” Ben, one of Louis’ drama students, gestured him over to his desk. There was a clear tub of water floored with pebbles and a plant, and inside was a tiny brown frog. 

 

Louis smiled. “Aw, what a cute little guy.”

 

“It’s actually a girl,” Harry corrected him. “They’re all girls. We don’t want any baby accidents, it’d lead to dangerous overpopulation.”

 

“So, this experiment is like Jurassic Park but with frogs?” Louis asked, causing some of the students to giggle. 

 

Harry frowned. “Well, I’ve never seen Jurassic Park, but I-”

 

“Hang on a sec,” Louis stopped him, eyebrows raised. “You’ve  _ never _ seen Jurassic Park?”

 

“No, I haven’t.” Harry admitted, looking a tad bit self-conscious. “But I still know the basic plotline.”

 

“Unbelievable,” Louis shook his head. “You guys ought to have a movie day then. It’s the perfect movie for biology.”

 

“Lou, it’s completely fictional. They don’t even make the dinosaurs look like how they’re supposed to, from what I hear.”

 

“It’s got plenty of educational value. I mean, there’s DNA stuff, survival tactics, and people get eaten. What more could you want?”

 

“Alright, we’ll watch it together some other time Mr. Tomlinson. Just not in class. In here, the only films we watch are fascinating educational documentaries.”

 

“Honestly,” Louis shook his head, but then checked his watch. “I’ll hold you to that Har- Mr. Styles. On that note, I’ll just leave you and the kids to your African Warf Frogs.”

 

Harry was beaming. “Dwarf, not Warf. And feel free to drop by anytime, you could do with some touching up on biology.”

 

Louis grinned back. “Right. Have fun with your frogs, everyone.”

 

* * *

 

Louis spent the rest of his prep-period talking to Niall. He was giving his students a test, so they were stood out in the hallway, with Niall spontaneously poking his head in to make sure they were behaving. Because the school’s only vending machine was purposefully across from Niall’s classroom, they were also snacking on drinks and rice crispy treats. 

 

“So, I heard you have a movie date with Harry.”

 

Louis spluttered on his mouthful of orange juice. “What? Where did you hear that?!”

 

“From some students,” Niall said, waving his hand in dismissal. “Words travels around fast in this school.”

 

“I literally just left his classroom, took a leak, and came here.”

 

Niall only shrugged, prompting Louis to roll his eyes in exasperation. He suspected it was one of the students from Harry’s class (Sheena?), who had taken a bathroom break while Louis was visiting. 

 

“We don’t have a movie date,” Louis corrected him. “I was just teasing him during class, because it turns out he’s never seen Jurassic park. Stop listening to teenage gossip.”

 

Louis left Niall’s classroom after that, before he could be harassed any further. He tried hard to get the thoughts out of his head, the ones about having a potential movie date with Harry. 

 

They would sit on the couch, curled up under a blanket together, and maybe cuddle platonically. It didn’t matter that Harry was bigger, Louis would still be the big spoon so he could cling tightly to the man as if he were a teddy-

 

His embarrassing daydream was stopped as he rounded the corner and faced an interesting sight. There were two girls, backing one more girl into a corner near the water fountain. Louis faintly recognized one of the girls as Nicole, a student he’d had last semester. He didn’t know her friend, but he did know the girl backed into the wall. It was Bree, another one of his students from before winter break. 

 

“...And because you’re such a slut, I’m going to tell the whole school that-”

 

“Excuse me,” Louis said loudly, and all three girls startled. “What’s going on here?”

 

“Nothing Mr. Tomlinson,” Nicole answered quickly. “I was just asking Bree a question about our math homework.”

 

Louis’ mind briefly flashed back to Bree, who had forgotten her homework several times in the short time he’d had her. He briefly wondered if Nicole had anything to do with that as well. Either way, he could sense bullshit from a mile away now. Ever since chatting with Harry, he vowed to never stand by when bullying happened, and it was clear that something was going on. 

 

“Right, get on to class then,” He told them shortly. “Bree, can you stay behind a moment?”

 

Nicole and her friend left apprehensively, but Louis made sure to wait until they were a good distance away. 

 

“I’m not sure what I just interrupted, but I hope you know that this school has a zero tolerance for bullying. If those girls are giving you a hard time, just let me know, okay? We can report it to the principal.”

 

“Thank you Mr. Tomlinson,” Bree looked down at the ground. “I’m okay though. Really.”

It didn’t look like she was okay, but Louis didn’t want to pressure her. 

 

“Well, you know where my classroom is. Just stop by if you get into any more trouble, yeah?” 

 

She nodded. “Yeah.”

 

They parted ways, and Louis’ thoughts turned back to Harry. This time though, they went back to high school. He regretted not taking a stand back in those days. Instead of helping, he had stood back and been purposefully oblivious. 

 

The thing was, Louis had always really known that Harry didn’t have a lot of friends. He ignored the snickers, the crude jokes, and the rumors. So what if Harry tripped all the time? He was like an adorable baby deer with all that stumbling. So what if people teased Harry about his glasses and sweater vests? Nerds were fun to tease, and Harry’s blush was so sweet. So what if everybody spread around rumors of his virginity? All the more better, because Louis had been a virgin too, and he wanted them to be each other’s firsts.  

 

But that’s where the problem was. None of the things that those kids did to Harry was okay. Louis hadn’t picked up on how wrong it was. Back then, he’d been so infatuated with Harry that it was hard to believe that people could be deliberately cruel to him. He had been too oblivious, and that was the downfall of everything. If he hadn’t of been such a shy little nitwit, always watching Harry from a distance and then later gushing about him to Zayn, who-

 

Maybe if he hadn’t been oblivious, he and Harry would have gone to prom together, and then graduated as high school sweethearts. 

 

Maybe they would be married right now. 

 

Maybe they would be living somewhere completely different, filling out adoption papers and cuddling every night when they watched good movies, like Jurassic Park. 

 

Maybe Louis would be normal, since he would have never been mixed up with such a shitfest of events. 

 

God he was so stupid. 

 

“Right,” He muttered to himself, rubbing at his temples as he walked back into his empty classroom. “No use thinking about what could have been. Life has happened, and now look where it’s got me. I have a fresh start, with my life, my work, my friends...and Harry. I’ve got a fresh start with him too.”

 

* * *

 

On Thursday afternoon, Louis decided to take advantage of his therapy for once. 

 

“He never, like, hit me or anything.”

 

James raised an eyebrow at this out of the blue statement, because this time it was Louis who was bringing up a tough topic. 

 

“I mean, there were fights. Everybody fights though. It wasn’t until  _ that night _ , when- yeah.”

 

“The accident,” James finished for him. 

 

“Right,” Louis nodded. “So I’m not, like, a victim or anything.”

 

James leaned forward in his chair. “Louis, nobody is ever a victim. Whether a relationship was abusive or not, there are never victims. At least not in the way that you’re thinking about. There are  _ survivors _ .” 

 

“But it wasn’t abusive,” Louis spoke again. “Detrimental maybe, but not abusive.”

 

Neither of them spoke for awhile. Louis played with the putty, morphing it into a ball between his hands. He’d chosen the pretty pink putty today, because it reminded him of the shirt that Harry had been wearing today at school. 

 

“How long should I wait until I start dating again?”

 

If James was surprised before, he had to be in proper shock now. 

 

“Well, I’m not the one who can answer that,” James said slowly, eyeing Louis carefully. “Only you can determine when you’re ready for a relationship. Everybody if different.”

 

“Fuck,” Louis shook his head. “Jesus, I don’t even know why I brought this up. I’ve just been having these feelings lately, about-”

 

“Harry?”

 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Louis glared, squeezing the putty hard. “I’ve been having feelings about Harry, okay? It’s just hard, because I know I can’t date anytime soon, because I’m all messed up-”

 

“Are you?”

 

Louis stopped, caught off guard. “What?” 

 

“Well, are you really ‘ _ messed up _ ’? 

 

“Why the hell do you think I’m in your office squeezing putty and talking about my feelings?”

 

“Because you’ve been through some trauma,” James answered. “Louis, I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, there is nothing wrong with you. Everybody needs help at times, especially when they go through something traumatic. But that does not make you worth any less than someone who hasn’t been to therapy, or through something scary. If anything, it makes you stronger.”

 

Louis stared back, dumbfounded. James had never spoke so passionately before. He was more of a lighthearted jokester of a therapist to be honest, so his speech had caught Louis of guard big time. 

 

“Like that song, y’know?” James continued. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…”

 

“Right,” Louis sighed. “I got it.”

 

“Stand a little taller….”

 

“ _ James _ ,” Louis said, needing to put a stop to it before his therapist broke out into full musical mode. “I got it. I’m just not sure what to do. Normal people don’t have breakdowns in the cars of their co-worker crushes.”

 

“Yes they do, when they’ve been through what you have.”

Even if Louis didn’t show it, his conversations with James always left a massive impact on him afterwards. That’s why he sat cross legged on his bed that night, phone clutched in his hands, debating whether or not to invite Harry over to watch Jurassic Park. After all, he did bring the whole trilogy along with him to Maine. 

But…

No, he didn’t have the courage. 

Maybe he wasn’t ready after all. 

Louis went to bed that night wondering whether or not he could ever be normal. Despite what James had said, Louis couldn’t imagine himself having a date with someone ever again. 

  
It was truly disappointing, because he wanted to take Harry out somewhere more than anything, if not just to hear his soothing laughter once again. 


	7. Warmth Amidst the Cold

 

_There were bright, flashing lights and loud sirens. The seatbelt dug into his chest, constricting his breathing and only growing tighter as he clawed at it. There were voices, yelling, and sticky red blood dripping onto his face. The worst part was that when he looked up, he could only stare into cold, gray, expressionless eyes…_

 

* * *

 

 

Louis woke up with a silent scream, flailing around in the bedsheets. There was something tight around his neck, and after a moment of panic he realized that it was the tangled sheets, which must have wrapped around him in his sleep.

 

It was just a dream, he thought to himself, only it wasn’t a dream. It was very, very real to him. Even with the lamp on now, he couldn’t get himself to feel calm. His hands trembled, face feeling cold and clammy.

 

“It’s okay, it’s o-okay,” He soothed himself, wrapping his arms around his midsection. “You’re okay Louis. You’re okay.”

 

It was almost three in the morning, and he had to be up in less than three hours. There was no way he could go back to sleep now, not with those images so fresh inside his mind. His head was pounding too, which called for some fresh air.

 

Grabbing his phone, Louis left bed trudged over to the front door of the cabin. He stepped out onto the porch, taking in deep breaths of the crisp wintry air. It helped clear his head a little, but he was still trembling, and the dream played over and over again in his mind.

 

He needed something to make him feel safe. He needed- someone.

 

Thumbs tracing over his phone, Louis instinctually scrolled through his contacts until he came upon the name he was looking for. When he found it, he pressed the green call button and held the phone to his ear.

 

It took him two rings to realize how stupid the idea was. It was past three in the morning for god’s sake, he wasn’t going to answer. Then when he woke up in the morning he would see the missed call and ask Louis about it during school, and what would he say? What a stupid idea, to call-

 

“Hello, Louis?”

 

Louis’ heart stopped at the familiar voice, slow and sleepy but _warm_.

 

“H-Harry?” He replied, still in shock, as he had not been expecting an answer.

 

“Hey,” Harry sounded more awake now. “What’s wrong, are you okay?”

 

For a moment, he was at a loss of what to say, and awkwardly settled for a, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

 

He immediately regretted his words. Honestly, what a stupid response. He’d panicked over a silly dream, called Harry of all people, who was- a friend now, but a very new friends. It was the middle of the night, they both had school tomorrow.

 

He was so stupid.

 

“I sure am glad it’s Friday tomorrow,” Harry was suddenly speaking once more. “My students are going to hate me because I’m giving a little surprise quiz. But there’s a twist to it- if they don’t know the answer to a question, they can write down a biology pun and receive half the credit for that question.”

 

Louis blinked. Harry had just told him his plans for school tomorrow. He didn’t tell Louis off for waking him up, or point out that they should both be getting back to sleep. He wasn’t even interrogating Louis about the reason he’d called.

 

It was as if Harry had flipped some sort of switch, because Louis found himself smiling.

 

“Really Harold, a Friday quiz?”

 

“I was going to give it Thursday, but more than half the class looked dead!”

 

“Excuses, excuses,” Louis tsked. “And biology puns? I don’t even know where to start on that one.”

 

“Hey, biology is great! It’s the only science where multiplication means the same thing as division.”

 

Louis’ mind blanked out for a second before he snorted. “Was that a biology pun? Mr. Styles, haven’t we both come to the agreement that science isn’t my strong point? Neither is math, now that I think of it. You should have told that one to Nick.”

 

“I already have,” Harry admitted. “He didn’t find it too funny either.”

 

Louis realized how wide he was grinning. His hands had stopped trembling too.

 

“Listen Harry, I’m sorry I woke you up. I, um, had a dream. Well, more of a nightmare actually. I guess I just needed someone to distract me, and- Well, you were the first person I thought of.”

 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Harry said firmly. “I mean it Louis. You can call me anytime.”

“Thanks,” Louis whispered. “I should probably let you get back to sleep.”

 

“Hold on just one minute,” Harry said. “Tomorrow’s Friday.”

 

“Um, yeah? We went over that already.”

 

“I think we ought to go to Bangor tomorrow. We can explore the mall and then go to Olive Garden and take advantage of the unlimited breadsticks. How about it?”

 

A whole afternoon and evening with Harry? They hadn’t really hung out alone before, unless you counted Louis having a breakdown in Harry’s car and recovering at his parents’ house.

 

“You can drive us there if you want,” Harry suggested when Louis didn’t give an answer straight away. “I’ll just follow you to your place after school and leave my car there. How about it, Lou?”

 

“That sounds great Harry,” Louis agreed. “But only if you’re sure you want to waste a whole evening with me.”

 

“It wouldn’t be a waste at all,” Harry argued instantly. “Besides, it was my suggestion in the first place, remember? So it’ll also be my treat.”

 

It had just turned four, but Louis was able to get back into bed and sleep for two more hours with no more nightmares.

 

* * *

 

As promised, the following day Louis drove himself and Harry to Bangor. He had only been to the city once before, so Harry cheerfully directed him where to go. Harry had reclined the passenger’s seat and propped his oversized feet on the dashboard, rolling his window all the way down. Louis giggled at the way his curls flew about in the wind, no doubt becoming a tangled mess.

 

It was a little over an hour drive, but they made it to the city by four, giving them at least an hour to kill before dinner time. Most of that hour was spent in the clothing stores of the mall as Harry tried on absolutely every kind of colorful weirdly patterned shirt that existed.

 

Each time Harry came out of the dressing room Louis would pretend to be a fashion judge and give him a score, but all of his scores were tens because it wasn't his fault that Harry looked so perfect. He could wear a flour sack and still look beautiful.

 

By the time they were done roaming the mall, which was the purchase of six shirts later, they had each worked up an appetite.

Louis was laughing as they entered the restaurant. “I just sent Niall a snapchat, I bet he’s jealous that we’re getting Italian while he’s stuck at home babysitting his nephew.”

 

“We can be nice and bring him something back,” Harry suggested.

 

“Or we can be cruel and send him pictures of our food.”

 

Suddenly, something felt terribly off as Harry tensed up beside them, only moments after getting into the wait line.

 

Louis noticed that Harry’s face had turned white. It was the first time that Louis had seen him look really unsettled. He was staring at a couple in front of them. There was a young woman, blonde and incredibly pretty. She was with an attractive looking man, who was speaking to the hostess.

 

The woman though, she was looking straight back at Harry. If Louis didn’t know any better, he’d say that she was sneering. Harry just stared at her, looking like he wanted to run away.

 

Louis, distraught at seeing Harry so panicked, instinctively grabbed his hand and in a hushed whisper asked, “Harry, what’s wrong?”

 

Harry looked down at their intertwined hands for a moment in stunned silence. “Lou, can we please eat somewhere else?”

 

“Of course,” Louis agreed without hesitation, though he was still incredibly confused.

 

Keeping their hands linked together, Harry quickly led him out of the restaurant.

Despite his curiosity, Louis knew better than to pry too much. Afterall, he hated it when people tried to pry into his own personal life. As confusing as Harry’s behavior was, he would just have to be patient and hope that he would eventually offer an explanation.

 

“Sorry about that,” Harry muttered when they were back in Louis’ car. “I just didn’t, erm, like the atmosphere back there. Is there anywhere else you’d like to eat instead?”

 

“I don’t care where we eat,” Louis replied. “What about you?”

 

“I don’t care either, you can choose.”

 

A few minutes later, Louis spontaneously pulled into the parking lot of Denny’s.

 

“Breakfast is just as good as Italian food,” He said cheerfully, finally getting a smile out of Harry.

 

When the entered the restaurant, which was much less quiet and calmer than Olive Garden, Harry appeared much more at ease. This settled Louis back down in return. He had been feeling very anxious, but for once he wasn’t anxious about himself, but for Harry instead. It was a strange feeling, something he had not felt in a long time.

 

The waitress seated them both and took their drink orders, which was when an explanation was given.

 

“That woman back in Olive Garden,” Harry said, eyes downcast. “She and I went to college together. We don’t exactly...um, get on that well.”

 

“Oh,” Louis said quietly, though his mind was burning with questions.

 

“It’s a bit stupid, but, we actually dated.”

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Louis repeated himself, eyes going wide. “But aren’t you-”

 

“I was sort of going through this sexuality crisis. I wasn’t exactly out, but I wasn’t hiding it? It was sort of weird. But then she -Taylor is her name- saw something in me I guess. She wanted to go out with me.”

 

“And you said yes?” Louis asked, a little disbelievingly.

 

“I told her I wasn’t particularly interested in women, but she said that was fine, she just wanted to make one of her ex’s jealous. She was actually pretty great, for the four weeks that we ‘dated’. We went to a lot of restaurants and movies together. I was a sophomore and she was a senior, so it got me some good reputation within the university. It was the first time that I- that I started having a proper social life. I wasn’t a loser anymore.”

 

“You were never a loser Harry,” Louis said, stomach feeling heavy.

 

Harry shrugged. “Well anyway, about a month in, she tried to- well, she wanted a real romance. She said it was silly to like guys, and that it would get me nowhere in life. She thought it was a waste not to accept her _gracious_ offer.”

 

Louis practically saw red.

 

“It was really offensive. I told her I didn’t want to hang out with her anymore, and she was absolutely livid.”

 

“Then I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to eat in the same restaurant as her,” Louis said consolingly. “She sounds like a nightmare.”

 

“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “I didn’t expect to see her here, I thought she lived in Pennsylvania now. She must be visiting family or something.”

 

Louis reached across the booth and patted his hand. “Well you can just forget about her and focus on something much more important, food!”

 

As if his words were magic, the waitress came back with their drinks, pen and paper ready to take their orders. Louis, who enjoyed the prospect of ‘go big or go home,’ ordered the Grand Slamwich, which was a delicious looking breakfast sandwich on the massive side. Harry settled for the more traditional route of pancakes, though they were covered with strawberries and cream.

 

Louis didn’t hesitate to steal strawberries from his plate, not that it was stealing though, since Harry had no qualms about it.

 

“Don’t ever let anyone try to change you Harry,” Louis said, taking his hand once more as they left the restaurant a good hour later. “You’re perfect just how you are, okay?”

 

Harry grinned widely, the pad of his thumb rubbing over the top of Louis’ hand. “Thanks Lou. The same goes for you of course.”

 

* * *

 

Before Louis realized where the time had gone, it was the middle of February. There were still mounds of snow covering the ground, and it was just as chilly as it had been in December, but for some reason things didn’t feel so cold anymore.

 

Harry had this way of pulling Louis into an entirely different world when they were together. It was only a few months into their enemy-turned-friendship status, yet it felt like they had been friends for years.

 

Between Niall and Harry, it was almost impossible for Louis to feel down. Louis visited Harry’s class whenever he wasn’t busy with his prep period, which was often enough that both Harry and the class began to expect him.

 

If Harry was lecturing, Louis would make himself comfortable at his desk and go through all the drawers. Now he knew that Harry kept candy for his students in the top drawer, which he always took advantage of.

 

Sometimes Harry would make him come to the front of the class when he needed an example, much to the students’ delight.

 

Other times, when Louis was distracting the students, Harry would jokingly say, “Mr. Tomlinson, don’t make me give you a detention.”

 

Something about his words made Louis shiver with delight. They were spoken kindly of course, because Harry never ever spoke crossly to him. Louis figured he could get away with just about anything with Harry.

 

Niall was of course a permanent fixture in his new life as well. Whether it was spamming Louis with memes during his classes or bombarding his lunch breaks, the Irishman never failed to make him laugh.

 

Between teaching, spending his weekend with Harry, and seeing James once a week, Louis was actually beginning to believe that he had a life.

 

Most importantly, every time he had a nightmare, he would call Harry.

 

The nightmares were beginning to emerge far and few between now, and Louis couldn’t help but think that Harry played a big part in that.

 

* * *

 

 

One Sunday morning, both he and Harry were trekking through the woods as Harry mapped out the route for his upcoming ecology field trip. It turns out that it was an overnight camping trip, during which they were encouraged to take pictures, spot wildlife, and embrace their inner relationship with the world around them.

 

“You’re coming, right?” Harry asked. “There’s this clearing where we’ll set up the tents, and it gives the perfect view of the stars. You’ll love it.”

 

Louis felt honored. “Sure I’ll come. Won’t it be cold though, camping in March?”

 

Harry’s hand slipped into his. “I won’t let you get cold Lou. Not ever again.”

 

Then, just like that, they kissed.

 

Harry’s hands, despite the chilly air, were warm to the touch as he gently cradled Louis’ face. Their lips met with no hesitation, even if Louis was slightly startled. It felt natural though, completely fine. Harry had this way of taking his time, sweetly pushing his tongue against Louis’ bottom lip to ask for entrance.

 

Harry tasted wonderful. There was the faintest hint of cocoa that they’d had earlier, and he was so _warm_ , Louis just couldn’t get over how warm he was. Such a stark contrast from the coldness of Maine.

 

Louis stood on his tippy toes, desperately trying to match Harry’s height in order to get closer. Harry hummed in amusement, helping by moving to wrap his hands around Louis’ waist and pulling him up.

 

It was the most perfect sort of kiss. Private, yet so very open amidst the forest life. Time itself seemed to be frozen, even if their kiss lasted less than a minute.

 

When it finally did end, Harry drew back only enough so that they could breathe, the tips of their noses still touching. Both were beaming as if the world was in the palm of their hands- which is was, for Louis at least.

 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile,” Harry admitted, chuckling lowly.

 

“Me too,” Louis said, because it was completely true.

 

* * *

 

“We kissed,” Louis told James as soon as he had sat down for his appointment.

 

James blinked a few times. “Who?”

 

Louis rolled his eyes. “Me and Harry, who else?”

 

“Oh really?” The therapist grinned. “Harry’s a good kisser, innit he?”

 

Now it was Louis’ turn to blink. “What?”

 

“I’ve kissed the lad a few times,” James admitted, looking absolutely delighted.

 

“You’re married! You have kids!”

 

“Relax Louis, there’s nothing wrong with a straight, taken guy having a cheeky kiss with his mate.”

 

Louis remembered why he hated coming to therapy, chucking his green putty at the therapist’s head. “Very funny. Trust me Corden, your kiss was nothing like mine.”

 

“I don’t doubt it,” James rested his chin in the palm of his hands, a dreamy look overtaking him. “Tell me all about it. Were there fireworks? Streamers? It was just a kiss right, no intercou-”

 

“It was _just_ a kiss,” Louis interrupted him through gritted teeth. “But...it was really nice.”

 

“I’m glad,” James told him softly, all joking seemingly gone. “How are you feeling now?”

 

“It was the best kisses I’ve ever had if I’m being honest. It was different from- well, from before.”

 

“That’s a good start. What does this mean now, for the two of you?”

 

“I’m not entirely sure,” Louis mused. “Do you think- am I ready for something like this?”

 

“Only you can answer that question,” James told him. “But from a professional perspective, you’ve been improving a lot over these past few weeks. You haven’t had a nightmare in two weeks now. No recent flashbacks either. You’re holding a steady job, going out regularly with friends…”

 

“So I’m getting more normal,” Louis concluded.

 

“You were never not normal,” James reminded him. “But I do think that you’re overcoming your trauma.”

 

“How long until it’s completely gone?”

 

“Louis, we both know that it’ll never be erased from your memory completely. But you do have control over it now. Your mind understands how to process and work around it.”

 

“Hmm,” Louis sat back in his chair, mulling the words over.

 

“Dr. Teasdale called for an update the other day. You’ll be happy to hear that I had nothing but good news to tell her. She’s going to take you off her patient list. You, my bright young man, remain only in my professional care.”

 

The thought of no more hospital doctors made Louis grin.

 

“My recommendation of course,” James continued, “Is to continue seeing me, but every other weeks rather than once a week. This is just to test the waters though. If it’s not working, we can easily go back to every week. How does that sound?”

 

“Perfect,” Louis said, his chest feeling fluttery. “Absolutely perfect.”

 

* * *

 

Please feel free to visit me on tumblr at [trysomecats](http://trysomecats.tumblr.com) :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the big one. In other words, we'll finally get an understanding of what actually happened to Louis. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated!
> 
> :)


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